Our first entry for chapter 8 was written by Chai. She has shared interesting insight into her own parents' interactions with her as a child, and ways that she would like to parent now. Happy reading!
After reading Chapter 8 of Elkind, I started thinking of my family. Was my family a happy or unhappy family? Did my parents integrate play, love, and work into my everyday life? Did my parents use parenting techniques that made child rearing easy and effective? Were my parents lighthearted? I would say that there were times when the family was happy and times when the family was unhappy. I say this because play, love, and work did not exist in my everyday life growing up. There were times when my parents seemed lighthearted, but then, they weren’t. For example, I actually wished for my parents, especially my father, to not be so serious sometimes and have some humor to light up everyone’s faces when giving the family a lecture. Every time my father gathered everyone to have a talk, everyone in the room was silent except my father.
When I read about “how parents can use a sense of humor to bring play, love, and work into everyday child rearing” (p.171), I noticed that humor wasn’t used much by my parents when I was growing up, especially when we were out in the public. My parents were caught in the trap Elkind called “egocentric trap.” My parents only thought about themselves and how others would think of them. They did not think about how my siblings and I were feeling or thinking. I don’t want to get caught in the trap someday.
I believe that using humor is a great way to bring play, love, and work into a child’s everyday life, but I need to understand that the kind of humor I use on a three year old wouldn’t be the same kind of humor I would use on a thirteen year old. For example, I can probably make faces and change my tone of voice to make a three year old laugh, but when doing the same to a thirteen year old, the thirteen year old may just think that I’m weird.
I think that disciplining a child with humor is a great idea. It is a great idea because the anger that is built up in the parent is not directed at the child. The anger that was built up is brought out in a way that just brings laughter. I agree with Elkind that by disciplining using humor, parents accomplish goals which “manage negative feelings in a positive and constructive way, provide children an effective and constructive way of handling their own emotions, and provide a healthy model of parenting for children to use when they themselves have children” (p.178).
Humor is a great way to bring play, love, and work into a child’s everyday life, but I believe that sharing passions, sharing by example, supporting the child’s passions, having family time, and sharing experiences bring play, love, and work into a child’s everyday life also. By sharing my passion, my child will know what kind of activities in which I like to engage. Instead of sharing my passion directly, I may share by example. My child will see what kind of activities I enjoy doing by seeing me participate in the activities. Sometimes, children have different passions from their parents and I think parents should encourage children in whatever passion they have. For example, my niece loves to draw pictures. My sister can encourage my niece by supplying my niece with drawing supplies. I believe that the best time to share passions and experiences is during family times when the family is together.
Though I haven't been a parent, I've wondered at different times what it would be like to have a child how didn't share things that I felt passionate about; for instance, I love to read. My youngest niece LOVES books, but my other three nieces are not too engaged by books. Through interactions with them, I've imagined that, depending on how invested we are in our passions, dealing with those different interests could be challenging. You are so right that we have to see children for who they are, regardless of our passions, and give them the support to further their interests.
ReplyDeleteChai,
ReplyDeleteYou and I both have parents who did not use humor as a parenting technique when we were younger. I have been told that Asians in particular are not to show any humor or emotions towards loved ones. I am not sure if this is simply an Asian stereotype or if it is really true. My grandmother was born and in the Philippines and migrated to the United States when she was in her early twenties. She brought a lot of her traditions and customs with her when she came to this country and she incorporated those traditions into our family. These traditions lacked humor as well as emotion and they influenced my mother and caused her to have a very dry sense of humor.
Humor would have made my childhood more livable considering that I went through a very traumatic experience. I feel like humor is learned and sustained by the people that you choose to hang around with. If my grandmother had passed this down unconsciously to my mother then maybe we would have been mentally and physically stronger. Surprisingly, my brother does a really good job of this when raising his own children. A lot of times when my brother scolds my nephews, he will tell them to stop whatever behavior they are engaging in and then he tells them a funny reason why they should not continue that particular behavior. For example, if my nephew makes a funny face in response to being asked to clean his room my brother will say, if you continue to make that face your face will stay that way.” These types of situations have allowed for my nephews and brother to bond due to the element of humor in their household. However, sometimes the humor isn’t age appropriate and leads to my nephews getting into trouble at school. For instance, one time I taught my nephew how to “pull his finger” and he used the trick at an inappropriate time and got in trouble. Even though it was not appropriate behavior, it still allowed him to grow in his learning experience as a child.
Yours Truly,
Sarah McCarthy
I really enjoyed reading your blog. In my chapter 8 blog, I wrote about how humor can be perceived as expressing mixed signals. However, after reading your example of why you think humor is important, it made me reevaluated how I think. In my opinion, I think that there needs to be a balance between saying how you feel and using light hearted parenting by expressing humor.
ReplyDeleteChia, I enjoyed reading your blog, and I like the connections you made to your life. My parents are just the same as your parents. My dad takes everything so seriously, and he does not use humor with us when he talks to us. I do sometimes wishes he would lighten up too. I think some parents are good at incorporating humor into play, love, and work while others may not. It would be great if parents use a sense of humor whether they are playing or lecturing children because it creates an relax rather than an intense environment. I feel that by using humor it also brings the family closer together and it gives children that feeling like they can approach you better. At the same time using humor and play together are great combinations that can help children learn by having fun.
ReplyDeleteMaihoua Lee
This chapter was difficult to read, but I knew that I had to write a comment on this chapter, even though I was having trouble even starting my comment. Chai, I am commenting on your blog because in some ways I feel like I can relate my family with yours. Elkind began this chapter by saying we are a reflection of our parents. I thought to myself, that is one thing that I don’t want to become, a reflection of my family. My family was one of the unhappy families. My father has always been an egocentric man. He has always thought that his way is always the right way. As a child I don’t ever remember him using humor for anything. The only feeling I had was being afraid of him. Being in an unhappy family has made me a great supporter of disciplining with humor. I believe that it is important to teach children what is correct by using humor. I believe that things will be better in a family if this style of discipline is used. I also believe that this discipline style will help the parents have a better relationship with their child.
ReplyDeleteberenisse becerra
Wow Chai, you certainly used a lot of your family experiences to compare it with Elkind’s way of parenting. I didn’t grow up with a dad so when it comes to lecturing, it was my mom that did the lecturing. This I feel results in a different reaction when my mom lectures and when your dad lectures. So we are both on the same boat with not having much humor in our lives. My childhood memories consist of those bad moments and those times when my family and I can laugh together about something that may not be funny to other people.
ReplyDeleteLa Vang
Chai,
ReplyDeleteYour blog has made me think back about how my parents used to use humor while disciplining my younger brother and me. They used it in a kind of strange way; if my brother or I got into trouble at school or with a babysitter, they would kind of scold us in the beginning and then make a joke out of it. To this day, my brother and I are teased about things that happened in elementary school. When my brother and I were younger and being teased about it, we didn't think it was very funny, but now we can look back on certain situations and laugh about them. When it comes to using humor while parenting I suggest you use it wisely and to the advantage of making light of the situation instead of using it to make a joke out of a situation, like my parents did. While I still think using humor while parenting at the same time can be very helpful in some situations, I just think that you have to be careful about when you use your humor. Great blog entry, Chai!
- Katie Gutierrez