Lighthearted Parenting

Well, here's a nice bonus at the end of the semester -- an additional entry on chapter 8 from Ana! I think you'll appreciate her take on Elkind's ideas about using humor when disciplining children. Happy reading!

In chapter eight of Elkind’s book, the author discusses lighthearted parenting. At the beginning Elkind says that lighthearted parenting can make child rearing more effective and fun. Elkind also explains how humor can be used to integrate play, love, and work into a child’s upbringing.

Humor is clearly emphasized within this chapter. Elkind states that lighthearted parenting involves parents being capable of seeing the humor in different situations as well as using humor in parenting. Elkind illustrates the idea of parents seeing the humor in a situation when he tells the story of a boy named Andrew. Andrew is a boy who cannot sleep in his own bed. His dad talks to Andrew about this before he leaves on a trip. When Andrew’s dad returns from his trip, he is greeted by Andrew screaming, “Great news, Dad! No one slept with mom while you were away!”(p.172). Andrew’s dad was shocked, but instead of trying to explain anything to those around him, he was able to see the humor behind what his son had said, and instead laughed and hugged and congratulated him. This illustration is also used by Elkind to explain how humor can be used to incorporate play, love and work. For example, Elkind states, love was incorporated when dad hugged Andrew, and work was incorporated when Andrew’s dad socialized with him. This I feel does not happen as often because parents now care too much about what society thinks. This is the reason parents in this kind of situation would consider explaining the situation to the public, and completely ignore the child’s feelings. Another way of integrating humor into lighthearted parenting according to Elkind is through the use of riddles. After reading this section I agree with Elkind and can now connect humor to play, love, and work, which are essential to a child’s upbringing.

Elkind says that there are different ages and stages of humor. During infancy, humor may not be understood because real laughter does not take place until early childhood between the ages of two or three. At this age children think that funny faces, change in voice, and nonsense words are funny. An example given by Elkind, is Dr. Seuss because he uses many nonsense words in his stories. These nonsense words make Dr.Seuss books funny. Elkind says that we need to be careful about the words we use around children within this age range because children repeat what we say and can pick up swear words. Children who have reached the age of reason believe riddles are funny. During the age of reason, children still “do as we do.” Children at this stage can feel that if adults use humor in a degrading way, it is okay for them to do so as well. As adults we need to just figure out what humor is age appropriate and what humor is not age appropriate. This is something I completely agree with. Personally, I have seen a parent curse in front of his/her child. A bit later, the child repeats what the parent said and the parent laughs. As the child gets older, he keeps repeating this curse word all the time, and the parent no longer finds it amusing.

In this chapter, Elkind verbalizes the idea that humor can be used to discipline. Children need limits and when limits are set with humor, the child’s behavior is put in perspective. When using humor as discipline, parents incorporate play, love, and work through joking (play), deep affection (love), and social learning (work). Humor as a technique of discipline is effective and rewarding. I feel that if children are not given boundaries, they will not learn how to listen and follow directions. Children will not be able to work in today’s society filled with laws that need to be obeyed and followed.

Chapter eight shocked me because it talked about play including the sharing of our personal passions. Elkind said that sharing our passions can create life-long bonds. For example, if a teacher shows she/he is passionate about teaching, the children become excited about learning. Children have their own passions from a very young age and at times parents may oppose the passions of their children. This may lead to children caving into pressure and leaving their passion and/or losing their determination. A child who is determined will not give up his/her passions. I feel determination builds the child’s future character. If a child has determination, he/she will “fight” to achieve his/her goals.

Last but not least, Elkind states that family time is important and leads to important qualities in a child. Today with society being so fast paced, it is hard to make time for family, but it is essential, even if it means making sacrifices. Family time shows children they are important and valuable in our lives. Family time is important. I remember as a child in this society, my parents were always working; my family rarely spent time together. Once we decide to build a family of our own, it is important to be willing to make sacrifices because a family is the most important commitment.

Personally, before reading this chapter I was not aware the impact humor can have on a child’s education and upbringing. I would have never thought that humor could be effective in discipline. This is because I see humor as a joke and I feel that if someone is joking they will not be taken seriously. My perspective on discipline involved seriousness, but this chapter has completely changed my perspective on humor. After reading this chapter I completely agree with Elkind’s perspective on humor.

Bringing It All Together

This is Leslie, the author of our final entry, when she was a baby. Now, as an adult, she has FOUR children, and these are two of them -- her youngest, AJ, and her oldest, Alysha.


This is how she introduced me to her family: "AJ is my youngest, he keeps me busy. Alysha is the oldest and she is so much help. Since my children and I are all in school, we do homework together and we are very competitive when it comes to grades. My husband, Anthony Sr., works at night, and I work days and school in the evening. It’s a crazy schedule but it works for us. My 2nd daughter is Serenity, she is the peace maker of the house and keeps everyone laughing. Aleiya (Nae-Nae) is my 3rd daughter, she is very loving and tells me everyday how much she adores me. My 4th daughter and the reason I continue to keep pushing is my angel baby Sa’Ryah. She is and was our gift. Although we only got to keep her for 7 months (SIDS) she continues to impact our everyday lives."
Clearly, family is very important to Leslie, and you'll see how important play is to her, too, in her entry here. Enjoy!

During our weekly quiz, Dr. Reid’s iClicker stopped working. This incident forced us to use a piece of paper and a pen to answer the quiz questions. In a day and time when technology rules everything, it is hard to imagine a time when it was not around. Elkind begins chapter nine by acknowledging the power of technology in our classrooms. He stated that in times past, it was the teachers who brought materials into the classroom. Now, students come to class with a variety of learning “materials,” i.e. iPods, cell phones and mp3 players (p.195). He states that they only enrich subjects being covered in class. Technology has transformed the way we learn. Elkind refers to this as “The new Educational Reality” (p.197).

Elkind explores John Dewey’s method of teaching students. When John Dewey envisioned the ways students learn, he felt they learn best when they are challenged by a project. He termed it “The Project Method” of learning. His method combined creativity, self-motivation, and practical learning - play, love and work (p.196). John Dewey felt this is an effective way for students to learn. Although Dewey felt students learn best when they are engaged in an activity, he did not object to original teaching methods. Elkind feels this is what new technology in the classroom is allowing students to do. Students have their own pod casts, they are able to communicate with the teacher via electronic mail and even have classroom blogs. Blogs, can you believe it? Elkind explains that for Dewey, writing at the beginning of the 20th century prepared students to learn skills needed to survive in the industrial age. Using technology to learn enables students to learn skills needed to survive and succeed in the information age (p.197).

I loved elementary school. Not only did I enjoy learning new things, I loved the competition it invoked. I remember classroom competitions. We would earn prizes for the class who scored highest on the weekly spelling test, or who read the most books in a month. Every January we had put on a play to honor Dr. Martin Luther King; after all, the school was named after him. I can remember meeting new friends just by working alongside them when we were practicing our parts for the play. Things seemed much simpler then. Recess was only fourteen minutes but the fun kept going long after we returned to class. We did not have much technology. I can remember when we started using computers at school. The disks were the size of Frisbees! They would put the huge disk in a drive and it would read us a story. The headphones were massive. You could feel every bit of its weight on the top of your head. Going to the media center was a privilege and only select groups of students were allowed to go. I felt special to say the least. My favorite game on the computer was “Word Munchers.” I would munch and munch those misspelled words as if they had attacked me personally. I did not realize that was the beginning of the (much-anticipated) computer-age.

On the other hand, my children live in a much different world. They really do not remember a time without technology. Technology rules everything. Their classrooms and the curriculum are based on technology. They have assignments where they have to do internet research. They are required to comment on student news, a pod cast produced by CNN. They also have classmates and friends in other states that they keep in contact with on a monthly basis via Skype. Although technology is used at the forefront of their classrooms, they are still required to read textbooks and complete at least 2 hours of homework every evening. They are still involved in church activities, softball and peer mediation. This is possibly the point Elkind has been trying to convey to us throughout his book. Allowing students to learn in an environment that allows them to play only enriches their ability to learn. It must be conducive to their level of learning and not forced. I do agree that certain toys and games are geared towards pushing children to learn too soon and/or too fast. I believe children can become confused and frustrated when they are trying to learn a subject that they are not ready for. A child in Kindergarten learning geometry is ludicrous. Yet, many kindergarten teachers are pushing a curriculum that is too hard for their young students. Some school districts no longer allow recess and have taken out much of the extra-curricular activities that allow children to interact and implement a project-learning curriculum. As a parent, I look forward to Christmas plays and multi-cultural fairs that many schools still present. Not only do the children benefit but the parents benefit as well.
Elkind states that the combining of play, love and work is the means of successful academic achievement. Research given by psychologist Sara Smilansky also proves this theory. Smilansky studied children engaging in “socio-dramatic” play. This type of interaction promotes positive, intellectual and social development. Her study concluded that socio-dramatic play activates resources that stimulate emotional, social and intellectual growth in the child, which affects the way the child learns in school (p. 211).

Technology in the classrooms has only enhanced the ways in which children play. Allowing children to Skype, email and run their own pod-casts has broadened the concept of play. Nevertheless, person-to-person interaction continues to be that link that helps children develop socially; not the latest video game, but simply two children playing together. Children will soon have to face the many obstacles associated with just being a kid. Of course, we all want our children to be the next Einstein. I believe if we allow our children the space and time needed to grow, instead of Einstein, we may be raising the next President of the United States, or better yet, the next Dr. Reid.

The Final Chapter

Wow...I can't believe it. We have completed the entire book, and I'm now posting the first of two entries on our final chapter! This first part of our finale is coming to us from Jessica, and I think you'll enjoy reading her thoughts on our changing world and the role of play in the lives of modern children.

In Chapter 9 of Elkind’s book, he continues the discussion of combining play, love and work as the means of successful academic achievement. Elkind focuses on the school system, its past, present and constant changes throughout the years.

In today’s society, technology is growing at a record pace. Teachers today have to deal with cell phones, laptops, iPods, and social networks that seem to preoccupy the current culture. Looking back through my school years, it is now odd to see what kids are into today. I was 21 years old when I received my first cell phone. I have recently talked with a friend who was in the process of getting her 5-year-old daughter a cell phone. She also mentioned I should add her to my Facebook (I don’t even have a page). But, the point is, why are we so obsessed with our kids keeping up? Their focus should not be on technology; they should also have a grasp of the real world.

Although there are some negatives to technology, there are also many benefits. Nothing can stop us from receiving information, because all we have to do is “Google.” Students are now able to use current technological tools to help their education. It is a great opportunity for students and teachers to evolve in the manner their curriculum is being learned and discovered.

Elkind mentioned a few different schools that seem to have more heart in the manner their students are being taught. The problem is: Not everyone can afford Montessori or Waldorf schools. People who live in lower to middle class income communities should have confidence in the schools their children go to. But, the reality remains that many people have lost faith in the manner the school system is currently structured.

A shift in the system also occurred when I was going through the school system as a child. I recall my Wednesday junior high music class being cut short in the middle of the school year, due to budget cuts. This class was the one reason I loved to go to school in the first place. It was a different way of learning for me that I truly enjoyed and it planted the seed for my interest in music years later. Music and the Arts are the first subjects to get cut. School systems are now test-driven. The school’s funding may depend on scores, which add unnecessary pressure to students and teachers. Elkind mentioned in his book that this type of structured academia might cause anxiety and low self-esteem in students.

There are ways parents can still help their children. Elkind states, “Despite the public schools, it is possible for parents to give their children educational experiences that speak to their hearts, minds and bodies” (p. 213). I agree with Elkind and the suggestions he gave. For example, in the game The Dumb Books Caper, at a time with test-driven curricula, schools are not allowing students to think outside the box. This game gives students a chance to question the accuracy of textbooks. In E is for Ending, the child is allowed to come up with an alternate ending to a story. This helps the child be creative and helps them understand that writing can be open and flexible. This enables children to think of possibilities, instead of just limits.

Now parents must be more involved in their child’s school experience more than ever before. Although technology is useful and stimulating, parents need to encourage their children to enjoy the outdoors in order to be in touch with the natural world and reality.

One Grain of Rice

This is Marilyn Monroe...er, I mean, La! She wrote our third entry on chapter 8, and you can see that she has a sense of humor, which is obviously appropriate for this chapter! Enjoy.

Elkind’s suggestion to use humor as a form of child rearing is very interesting. It is easy to understand that humor integrates play, love, and work. However I feel that it is important to use humor when it is necessary. As Elkind has pointed out in his book, humor can be used to discipline a child. Using humor to discipline avoids focusing on the negative emotions and instead concentrates on the positive. An example Elkind gave was how his son, Paul, forgot to take the dog out in the afternoon while he and his wife were out. When they got home, Elkind discovered this, and rather than shouting and screaming, he imitated a popular TV program and released his anger in a way that he believed was humorous.

I feel that in using humor, you don’t deal with the real problem that needs to be dealt with. When Paul’s incident occurred, instead of using I-messages or effectively talking to work out the problem, Elkind expressed his anger in a way that attacked his son’s character or personality. I felt that learning what is wrong was not effective in this situation because Paul was not disciplined for what he had done wrong. Instead, Elkind used humor to ease the situation, and this tells the child that being irresponsible is acceptable. It’s true that Elkind did not attack his son’s ego, but was he able to effectively show his son that he was angry?

On the other hand, humor can do more than one thing for a child. It teaches the child to laugh, be happy, and be imaginative. Riddles can be used as humor to teach the child how to be imaginative. One riddle that struck me was, “What has four legs and goes tick tock? A watchdog” (p. 173). Even I did not know the answer, and when I read the answer I was amazed at how creative that was. Riddles are funny and a child can learn to use different ideas of how to solve a situation. Riddles are great for children because they are easy to memorize and usually very catchy. They can also discover different vocabulary words and views of things in their life.

Sharing our passions is something that I feel is very important. Teaching with passion is extremely different from just teaching a subject. When you listen to the way someone talks about a subject, you can tell how they feel about the subject by the tone they use when they talk about it. I recall a time when we were younger; we went to the farm everyday with my mom. That was a time when Hmong people all wanted to have fresh grown rice. My mom and aunts and uncles were all very excited about planting acres of rice because growing rice brought back the memories of them in their homelands. This therefore made us, as children, very enthusiastic about helping them out with planting, growing and the processing of making the freshly grown rice. Through this, we learned a lot together about the careful planting of the seeds and processing of the rice because our parents were teaching us with passion.

Play and Parenting

This is Emiley, the author of our second entry on chapter 8. She said, "As far back as I can remember, every summer, my parents, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents would all go together on a summer vacation to the beach for about a week. Now, since I'm older, I value my family time and realize how lucky I am to have a family that likes to do things together." Emiley has shared a few other family examples and compared them with Elkind's ideas about parenting. Happy reading!

Elkind describes lighthearted parenting as “parents making an ongoing effort to integrate play, love, and work into their child rearing practices” (p. 171). Parents accomplish this by using humor to socialize and discipline, by sharing their passions, and by establishing patterns of family play, games, and experience sharing.
In the beginning of the chapter, Elkind mentions the importance of toddlers needing to develop a number of expectations that parents can encourage with laughter. An example of this is putting on a silly hat or changing your voice when reading a story. Elkind expresses that these examples are the unexpected things that children find funny. For the development of a child, I agree with Elkind. However, on page 177, Elkind uses discipline with humor in a manner I do not agree with. An example that Elkind gives is Mom and Dad leaving their 12-year-old son home alone while they ran errands. The son’s only job was to make sure the dog went outside to relieve itself. When Mom and Dad came back and saw the “mess” on the carpet, Dad was upset. Dad wanted to yell at the son but instead he balled up his fist and pounded his palm and said, “To the moon, Paul.” This was a way for Dad to get his anger out and feel humored at the same time instead of making a big deal about it.

This incident reminded me of a similar, personal experience. When I was growing up, we had a rule of no eating or drinking in the living room because we just got new carpet. Well, I didn’t think that I was going to spill my soda, so I brought it in the living room despite the rule. My dog ended up knocking the cup off of the coffee table and the soda spilt. As I tried to clean up the mess, my mom walked in. Mom looked at me and said, “This is why we have rules. I’m mad that you did not follow them.” I felt bad for what I did and apologized to my mom. She assured me that the carpet would look like new after it dried. In this case, my mom did not use humor to discipline me, and I think that this is an alternative that I prefer to use instead of humor. I don’t think it is bad if you express what you actually feel to your child. However, I think it should be done in a manner where it doesn’t put down the child’s character or directly attack them. In lighthearted parenting, Elkind believes that the outcome of humor discipline is an “effective and constructive way of handling their emotion” (p. 178). I think that showing your emotions and explaining why you feel the way you do could have the same outcome.

Elkind also mentions that there are other ways to express lighthearted parenting. This could be sharing our passions with our kids and making time for our families. Elkind states, “One of the best ways of ensuring that our children both play and develop lifelong habits of play is to share our personal passion with them” (p. 182). Some examples of this that the book lists are fishing, gardening, golfing, etc. When growing up, I experienced this because my grandmother often shared her passions with me. I spent a lot of time with her after school when my parents worked late. My grandmother loved to work on her oil paintings in the evenings before dinner. I always showed an interest in what she did. Eventually, she bought me my own canvas, stand, paint and brushes and showed me some of her techniques. I value this time that I shared with my grandmother and I loved being able to spend that time “playing” with her. It’s a lifelong passion that I will always have. As Elkind concluded, “When we share experiences with our children, we come to appreciate them as individuals and give them the freedom to be the best that they can be” (p. 193). I feel that this quote is something from which everyone can learn.

Avoiding Parenting Traps

Our first entry for chapter 8 was written by Chai. She has shared interesting insight into her own parents' interactions with her as a child, and ways that she would like to parent now. Happy reading!

After reading Chapter 8 of Elkind, I started thinking of my family. Was my family a happy or unhappy family? Did my parents integrate play, love, and work into my everyday life? Did my parents use parenting techniques that made child rearing easy and effective? Were my parents lighthearted? I would say that there were times when the family was happy and times when the family was unhappy. I say this because play, love, and work did not exist in my everyday life growing up. There were times when my parents seemed lighthearted, but then, they weren’t. For example, I actually wished for my parents, especially my father, to not be so serious sometimes and have some humor to light up everyone’s faces when giving the family a lecture. Every time my father gathered everyone to have a talk, everyone in the room was silent except my father.

When I read about “how parents can use a sense of humor to bring play, love, and work into everyday child rearing” (p.171), I noticed that humor wasn’t used much by my parents when I was growing up, especially when we were out in the public. My parents were caught in the trap Elkind called “egocentric trap.” My parents only thought about themselves and how others would think of them. They did not think about how my siblings and I were feeling or thinking. I don’t want to get caught in the trap someday.

I believe that using humor is a great way to bring play, love, and work into a child’s everyday life, but I need to understand that the kind of humor I use on a three year old wouldn’t be the same kind of humor I would use on a thirteen year old. For example, I can probably make faces and change my tone of voice to make a three year old laugh, but when doing the same to a thirteen year old, the thirteen year old may just think that I’m weird.

I think that disciplining a child with humor is a great idea. It is a great idea because the anger that is built up in the parent is not directed at the child. The anger that was built up is brought out in a way that just brings laughter. I agree with Elkind that by disciplining using humor, parents accomplish goals which “manage negative feelings in a positive and constructive way, provide children an effective and constructive way of handling their own emotions, and provide a healthy model of parenting for children to use when they themselves have children” (p.178).

Humor is a great way to bring play, love, and work into a child’s everyday life, but I believe that sharing passions, sharing by example, supporting the child’s passions, having family time, and sharing experiences bring play, love, and work into a child’s everyday life also. By sharing my passion, my child will know what kind of activities in which I like to engage. Instead of sharing my passion directly, I may share by example. My child will see what kind of activities I enjoy doing by seeing me participate in the activities. Sometimes, children have different passions from their parents and I think parents should encourage children in whatever passion they have. For example, my niece loves to draw pictures. My sister can encourage my niece by supplying my niece with drawing supplies. I believe that the best time to share passions and experiences is during family times when the family is together.

Playing Is Much More Than Just Playing!

Our third and final entry on chapter 7 was written by Katie. She really related to the games and play discussed in this chapter, and this might be because she did a lot of wonderful playing as a child. Read on to share her childhood play memories.

In the seventh chapter, Elkind focuses on the idea that playing is not simply to have fun, but a critical part of childhood which helps to develop necessary social interactions such as cooperation, competition, and taking initiative within a group. It is the common idea that play is a child’s work, and it is through play that a child learns the majority of their abilities and interpersonal skills.

Middle childhood describes the ages in which game-playing with specific rules takes effect and children become fixated on right and wrong, following the rules and/or breaking the rules. These children deal with a desire to play the “right way” whether that is with a board game, physical rough and tumble game, or a hand-clapping game. I remember when I was young that I greatly valued rules! I was the child who would object and let the entire group know if someone was cheating or not playing some part of the game correctly. Little did I know, by my constant objections and tattling here and there, I was in fact learning how to deal with people when I did not agree with something.

I see eye-to-eye with Elkind’s view on forts, and how they are a place for children to develop who they are. Growing up, my two older brothers and I were master fort builders! We used anything and everything from couch pillows to desks, and from bed sheets to chairs. Our forts were not simple everyday one-room hideaways, but were intricate spaces with separate rooms, places to sleep and eat, and areas to actually stand up in! When we built, we built with a purpose – to have our own space, a secret space free from others (unless of course our rules allowed for others to enter). My brothers and I learned a lot about gravity by securing things in place with heavy objects, but we also learned to cooperate and work together; we did a lot of trial-and-error and eventually learned that six hands made light work. To this day, I can still remember coming home from school and wanting to find solitude in my fort.

Some of my favorite memories are of playing on my street with the other neighborhood kids. We played everything from Power Rangers to kickball, and cooperation and communication were key! Did anyone ever want to be picked last when choosing teams? No, but we always seemed to make a point of including those who were picked last and making them feel wanted (I would know, because every now and then I would be chosen last). Yet, those who were chosen last at kickball would be chosen first at Cops and Robbers; the rotation was ever-changing, and our feelings never seemed to get hurt because we knew we were better at something else. This is exactly what adults and teachers need to be focusing more on nowadays, making sure that children feel competent and successful with at least one thing.

How we as adults, parents, and teachers react to childhood games is crucial! Not only should we be “structuring the situation rather than structuring the activity” (p. 159), but we should also be more accepting and understanding of the influence games have in children’s lives – and in ours. For example, we have all played hide-and-seek and hid in a neighbor’s bush or behind their tree. As adults or “that neighbor,” we need to be accepting of their desires to play even if we are not crazy about them trampling all over our perfect lawns. My dad was the first to tell us not to play on our front lawn, yet he would give us alternatives and tell us our limits, without restricting our play, and in effect not becoming that mean neighbor to the other neighborhood kids.

Children are going to create, invent, and problem solve in order to play some game and enjoy their afternoon. They will learn from playing, and playing with others will in fact teach them necessary attributes for their future (things not learned through playing videogames day in and day out). Elkind says it best when he states that while “playing these self-initiated games is fun, it also helps children learn the interpersonal skills needed to become effective social beings” (p. 145).

Play is the Child's Work

Our second entry on chapter 7 was written by Stefani. You'll see when you read her entry that she recognized many types of play discussed by Elkind because she engaged in them during her childhood. I think you'll enjoy her recollections of childhood play, as well as her insight into its importance.

In chapter seven of Elkind’s book, the author discussed the importance of play and how it helps children become effective social beings. While reading the different sections that deal with various ways of playing, I was reminded of my own childhood. Elkind states, “Games provide a set of rules that govern how to behave under certain circumstances” (p.148). I agree with Elkind and it brings back the memories of when I used to play an original game we called “Alligators and Pirates” with my grandmother. I used to play this game with my younger cousin, Kala, and my grandmother at our family cabin in Oakhurst, CA. Kala and I would sit on the swing, which was our “Pirate Ship,” with Nana. We would have to run (pretend to swim fast) to the jacuzzi deck (the island) without actually stepping on the deck wood, only on the rugs which were pretend rocks. We had to hop from rug to rug to make it to the jacuzzi deck, and back again to the boat to be safe. If we stepped off the rugs, then we were eaten by the alligators in the water. Nana would be safe on the swing with her feet up out of the water and encourage us to run fast and not to fall in the water. Then we could make it safely back to the home ship with her on the swing. When we did make it back to the swing, Nana would hug and kiss us because we survived the “alligators and the deep water.” We continued to play this game for years every time I went up to my grandparents’ cabin. I still sit on the swing when I go up there and we joke about not letting the alligators get us.

I agree with Elkind that when children play games with rules, they come to understand the social rules which make cooperation with others possible. Kala and I would take turns running to the island, and we would encourage one another to make it back to the swing safely. A child begins to develop social skills through games with rules. I also believe that children can learn healthy cooperation and competition through games. I liked how this chapter gave many different examples of play and how each area of play helps the child grow in many acceptable ways.

When Elkind talked about “Play Acting,” it reminded me of when I was little and would play with all my dolls. I would put all my baby dolls on a blanket and pretend to drive them all to school and kiss them goodbye. I was reenacting what I witnessed my mother do when she would drive us around and take us to all our different activities. I was pretending to be someone that I was not, and putting myself in someone else’s position like Elkind talked about. I used to spend hours playing every day. I believe that play is extremely powerful in kids’ development.

After reading this chapter, it made me want to go play some games and just have fun, to be child-like again. I know that all the hours I spent playing made me have such a fun and happy childhood, and I recognize that it also contributed to my now having a healthy adulthood. I could think of so many examples in each area of play that I used to do. Now after reading this book, I want to always encourage my nieces to play just like my grandmother did with me, and always make sure they are having fun. I never knew there were so many different kinds of play, and how each one helps the child develop skills that they will need when they grow up. I think play is a child’s daily work.

It Isn't Only a Game: The Role of Play in Becoming Social

This is Emily, the author of our first entry on chapter 7. She said, "I combined dressup and playing with play dough, two of my favorite activities, while I was visiting my grandmother. I was around 4 when this picture was taken." You'll see in Emily's entry here that, not only did she get to engage in some great play as a child, but she feels passionately about the importance of play in the lives of all children. Enjoy!

Children spend a large portion of childhood playing games. Games help develop socialization, cooperation and competitive skills. As children get older they have less time to spend engaging in self-initiated play.

Elkind discusses three classifications that childhood games fit into. Games are considered steady, recurrent or new. Steady games are “continuous over time like cards and hide-and-seek” (p. 147). Recurrent games “disappear and then reappear at a later time” (p. 147). New games arise from “new stories or films” (p. 147). An example would be Cartoon Tag because it is based on the most current cartoon programs that children watch. Over time games may vary, but the basic goals of steady or recurrent games stay the same. For example the goal of hide-and-seek is to be the last person found by the seeker. Changes may occur in location or a tag aspect may be added to the game, but the goal is still the same.

According to Elkind, games “provide a set of rules that govern how to behave under certain circumstances” (p. 148). Children have to decide the person to be “it,” where bases are located, and other aspects pertaining to how the game operates. The ability to determine how a game will function helps children develop leadership and cooperation skills. Elkind suggests teaching young people to “compete with themselves and cooperate with others…[which helps focus them on] improving… [their] own performance rather than besting another child” (p. 160). I have mixed feelings about Elkind’s belief on this matter. I believe children should focus on improving themselves, but learning to compete with others is also important. For example: As adults they must compete with others for promotions at work. If they never learn to compete with others as children they may not be able to advance in society. I agree with Elkind because too much competition has the ability to breed added aggression and animosity among children.

Elkind discusses changes that occur in relation to kinship play during middle childhood. Thinking about the way children tend to interact solely with same sex children reminded me of the friends that I had during middle childhood. Many of Elkind’s ideas about the rules that children develop for interaction applied when I was a young child. I surrounded myself mostly with female friends. While I did have male friends, I rarely interacted with them unless I was with at least one of my female friends. Recalling the interactions of other age groups, similar to mine, closely resembled the interactions that I experienced with my friends.

Through games, children develop different types of rule mastery: age, moral, and verbal. I believe that mastering rules is an invaluable skill for children because as they age and gain understanding about the creation of rules, they are better able to function in society. Society is based on rules. Children who understand the importance and need for rules are more likely to succeed in school, friendships, and are better prepared for adult interactions.

I agree with Elkind’s thoughts regarding playacting and therapeutic play. It is important for children to try different roles that are both positive and negative, so that they are able to grasp the idea of what is involved in each role. Having space to play is essential as is developing a sense of belonging among peers. These developmental aspects commonly advance through play.

Adults commonly overlook the importance of childhood games. Elkind believes that adults only notice children’s games when they annoy them. Adults should pay more attention to the amount of time that their children are spending playing games. Games advance development of imperative skills, and allow children to socialize with one another. Adults should recognize that today’s children are losing playtime and simplify children’s schedules to allow more time for play.

My Apologies to Christina!

I am afraid that I failed to post our last entry on chapter 5! Christina submitted an entry, and it got lost in the shuffle (and if you've seen my desk lately, you've seen there's a LOT of shuffle there!).

I apologize to Christina, but here it is...so, though Lai's chapter 6 entry has already been posted, Christina's entry will remind you of chapter 5!

“Love is a Better Teacher”

Elkind begins the second section of his book by exploring the common misunderstandings of how young children learn. As Elkind explores this topic, he asserts there are three core types of misunderstandings. First, Elkind notes one misunderstanding to be the “Watch Me” Theory of Learning and Instruction. In reading about this type of instruction, what first struck me was how often I see it occur. It’s common to hear parents coaching their children with such words as, “No, no, you’re doing it wrong. Do it like me.” I’ve noticed many parents hold their child to the expectation of learning something new only through forced observation. Elkind points out that under this theory of instruction, children are not allowed to guide their own learning. Instead, they are robbed of the freedom to explore what interests them most, and are forced to focus on what the instructor wants them to follow. Elkind comments, “If these young people were bored and unmotivated, it is not because they were lazy or lacked interest in learning. They were bored and unmotivated because they had been taught that their interests and passions were of little value” (p. 95). I feel this particular notion is extremely important. As a society, we often quickly and incorrectly “diagnose” these children who are viewed as unmotivated or bored with some sort of learning disorder, lumping them in with those who suffer from things such as ADHD. While this may be the easier solution, I feel it’s imperative that we examine our teaching methods and discover the true reason why these kids are struggling. As Elkind points out, often this boredom and lack of motivation is just a result of the restrictions we place on their freedom to explore their own interests and passions.

The second misunderstanding Elkind explores is the “Little Sponge” Theory of Learning and Instruction. As I read Elkind’s account of taking his children to the circus, I was reminded of an instance I experienced with my three year old niece in our local Build A Bear Workshop. I was more than excited to share her first “bear making experience” with her. As we entered the store, I carried with me expectations of her being completely absorbed in the whole process, from the first puff of fluff to putting the finishing touches on her new friend’s outfit. While she was excited, to my surprise she was much more interested in the little things that I was quick to deem boring and insignificant. She was less concerned about finding the perfect pair of shoes to match the outfit (I had chosen), and more concerned with exploring the pictures that were on the box they give you for free to put your new friend in! Elkind notes, “Infants and young children dawdle because they are looking at the world with fresh eyes and ears. They are caught up and excited by much that we take for granted and no longer find of interest” (p. 98). I had somewhat of an “Aha!” moment after reading this idea. Of course children aren’t interested in the same things we are; their concept of the world is completely different than ours! It’s crucial that this idea is understood when applied to instruction. Children are not interested in the same things we are, and they do not learn in the same manner that we do.

Elkind’s third misconception is the “Look Harder” Theory of Learning and Instruction. This is the belief that if children were to just look harder, they would be able to understand concepts that they aren’t able to comprehend. Elkind draws the analogy of speaking louder to someone who speaks a foreign language because they don’t understand English. Elkind stresses that it’s important to understand that children do not see the world in the same way adults do.
Elkind goes on to discuss different types of play. It is through these types of play that children truly learn and develop best. An interesting comment Elkind makes towards the end of the chapter is, “Young children live in a world that is engineered for the minds and bodies of adults” (p. 113). As I reflected on this particular statement, I came to realize how important it is to really understand that children have a completely different view of the world. As educators, we need to embrace this view, allowing them to learn through play and giving them the freedom to explore their own passions and interests.

Perhaps "Reasoning" is the Fourth "R"

This is Lai, the author of our first -- and only! -- entry on chapter 6! She likes the bike picture best, and said, "I remember this tricycle.! I loved riding it on the basketball court in our old apartment complex!! Little did I know, that tricycle was the beginning of my scaffolding for being able to ride a bike, and eventually with no hands. Oh, how I miss the days when I played outside for hours and hours upon end... Childhood."

Ah, yes...childhood! Lai explains some of her thoughts on learning in childhood below, so happy reading!


Math, science and reading are all essentials in life. Although as young children we do not realize that the skills we learn are the skills we will carry throughout life, it is important to know how each of these concepts is used and for what they will be used.

Elkind shows how each of these subjects are understood, in relation to a child’s “age of reason.” I do agree with Elkind in the sense that people try and teach children based on their biological ages as opposed to what the child can comprehend developmentally. By doing this, parents and teachers can create more stress for the child because they feel the pressure of not knowing things that their parents think they should know. Everyone learns at a different pace and that is not always acknowledged. The pressures from the parents can be heavily linked to a previous chapter in which Elkind discusses parental peer pressure and angst about their child “not knowing as much as they should.” A child’s understanding of something can be shown by the level of reasoning they use for that piece of knowledge.

Elkind also talks about reason and how it applies to child rearing practices. Often times I hear young children getting in trouble because they “forgot” to use their manners. It makes me sad when young children are punished because a child will not always be able to react in the proper way if they have not reached the age of reason for that particular concept. When a child does not say “please” or “thank you,” the best thing to do is reinforce the idea that we are supposed to use our manners. Getting mad at the child because they have failed to do so only makes them less comfortable about talking to their parent. I agree with Elkind’s idea of introducing a sort of imaginary character who can help assert good habits of using manners- or what ever it is the parent wants the child to know. Children sometimes relate better to their imaginary friends because they can create the feelings and reactions given to them.

Reasoning is also found in formal instruction. It is important that the child be able to reason when learning so that whole concepts are understood. For example, when a child is learning a new math concept it is important to make sure that the child has reached the basic level of reasoning for that particular concept before more complex ones can be obtained. It is often apparent in the classroom setting whether a child has gained a basic level of reasoning for math skills. The child may appear to be frustrated and might even avoid the lesson being taught because they do not understand what is going on. This is one of the reasons why I believe the child-teacher relationship is so important. Sometimes extra attention is needed in order for the child to grasp the concepts being taught.

I also think it is important for parents to understand that their child will not be perfect. I feel that again, many of the ideas posed in this chapter relate heavily to previous chapters that illustrate the expectations we have for children. Parents and/or educators might feel the need to push the child along but reasoning follows an invariant sequence- the easier tasks must be grasped before the next step can be taken into account.

Bring Back Play!

Barbara, the author of our third entry on chapter 5, is pictured here with her siblings when they were children. She said, "This is me standing in the back at Grandma's house. I'm eight and it's my first communion; my brother Gabriel (7 yrs); Esther "BabyDoll" (6 yrs); and the youngest Christina (2 yrs). We spent a lot of time at my grandparents' (my dad's parents) in Tulare where they lived about 3 blocks from us. Every Sunday, we spent time at my mom's parents; they lived in Porterville. We still go to my grandparents' house (Tulare) every month. They're gone now but my aunt and uncle bought the house. Family has always been a big part of our life and we are raising our kids the same way. Daddy was a big part of our life and playing with the cousins and our dad was big for us. Miss him every day." Barbara lost her dad this summer, so you can imagine just how precious all of those childhood memories are now. And you'll see in her entry that she has many more wonderful memories of play with her dad and entire family. Enjoy!

The beginning of this chapter tells a story of a young girl who is confined because her father believes she is retarded. When she is finally removed from this environment, she is taken to a store and discovers new smells, sights, and sounds she hadn’t been exposed to before in her childhood. Elkind explains the role adults play in the learning process and how that role affects their learning. Society has rushed our children to learn everything quickly and lost the opportunities to learn through play.

The first misunderstanding is the “watch me” theory of learning and instruction (Elkind, p.91). Elkind explains that we don’t learn by watching, but by doing. Instead of the teacher or parent watching the child and giving them the opportunity to learn on their own, we’re expecting them to learn by watching us. Sometimes as adults we need to release the control and encourage “self-directed activities” even if they don’t seem related to what we are trying to teach.

The second misunderstanding is the “Little Sponge” theory of learning and instruction (Elkind, p.93). As adults we tend to have our own agenda when we try to teach through activities or events, and may get frustrated if we don’t think they are getting our lessons. However, children in effect, are always learning, just not always the way we think they are learning. The little sponge method has become a justification for the push to teach everything to our children during their preschool through elementary school years when their brain growth is the greatest. Elkind points out that there is no evidence to support this belief. Although they can readily take in a lot of information, it takes a lot longer for children to process the information because of their immature mental capabilities.

The third misunderstanding is the “Look Harder” theory of learning and instruction (Elkind, p. 98). Elkind basically explains that just because we see it, hear it, or read it doesn’t mean we understand it. He uses the example of reading a German phrase; you can read it, but unless you speak German, you’re not going to understand it. A lot of the school work now is rote memorization. Our children are taught to memorize the ‘math facts,’ which are pages of addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division problems starting from kindergarten, and the same for sight words. Does this help them comprehend the information or just memorize the information? I believe Elkind when he says that kids need to learn through play, which plays an important part in their cognitive growth.

My own elementary years were in the middle sixties to the early seventies, and I remember having longer recesses and more creative art and hands-on activities. I started kindergarten when I was four because of my birthdate, and we mostly did role playing, arts and crafts and had nap time. From first grade through high school, learning came easily to me and I was mostly a straight A student. My family participated in sports, Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts, and stayed out almost every night, playing outside rain or shine. When it rained my mom would give us a bucket and cooking utensils and we would make mud pies on the porch. My mom and dad were big on playing outdoors and just being kids for as long as possible. Our homework was done by the time dad got home and he would take us to play handball, catch, four square, freeze tag, duck-duck-goose, or to fly kites. We grew up in a large family of thirty-four cousins and spent a lot of time at grandma’s three or four times a week. Dad was our softball coach and mom was our softball manager. Playing was a big part of our life.

My husband and I are trying to do the same with our kids; Samuel is in cross-country, baseball, football, robotics club, drama club, and Boy Scouts, and our daughter is in softball, volleyball, reading book club (library) and Girl Scouts. These are things they enjoy and we want them to have fun and play as much as possible, however, schoolwork is making it harder and harder. Their recesses are shorter, days longer, and homework for both every night: six to eight pages. This does not include time they spend in class learning lessons, doing daily benchmark tests, and studying for state exams.

I understand academic learning is important to a child’s success later in their adult life, but I believe play teaches other values and lessons needed to succeed in their adult life. I feel play teaches children how to explore their world using both their body and mind, and teaches them to know themselves, and understand how to work socially in their environment. I’m like every parent and want my children to succeed in their future and continue their education through college, but it saddens me that they are getting pushed harder and losing play time, making them more frustrated with school.

It’s All a Big Misunderstanding!

This is Kristin, the author of our second entry on chapter 5. She continues our discussion on some of the misunderstandings about the young child's learning that are introduced by Elkind. She looks pretty determined in this picture, don't you think? You'll see in her entry that she's also pretty determined about what's best for children. Enjoy!

I find it devastating that adults are feeding children ineffective and even harmful practices for learning. It appears that many adults are simply uninformed with regards to the development of their child’s brain. Parents can become so wrapped up and obsessed with teaching their children everything as quickly as possible that they do not realize the negative impact on the child. They feel as though they need to teach their 3-year-olds mathematical equations, or their 2-year-olds how to read, or else their child will not be smart enough. Infant and young children’s brains are not mature enough to handle this pressure and intellectual stimulation, and I believe that forcing all of this information upon them is only taking away what should be their right to learn through play-oriented activities.

Out of the three main misunderstandings about how young children learn outlined in the chapter, the misunderstanding that I found the most disturbing, was the “Little Sponge” theory. I understand that brain growth is occurring at an outstanding rate during the first few years of life, but why are we trying to cram such a vast amount of information into it that young children are simply incapable of holding? By shoving computer games, television screens, and other electronic games that are misrepresented as educational in infants’ faces, we are only reducing their opportunities to engage in play, which is the most effective way for their intellectual development to skyrocket. Elkind explained it perfectly when he stated, “Infants and young children are not little sponges who readily absorb all information thrown at them. They take more time to process information than adults do, and at a lower level of abstraction and complexity” (p. 98). I could not agree more! As adults, it is difficult for us to truly comprehend how exactly a child is seeing, smelling, tasting, hearing, and touching the world. It is important for adults to understand that children’s brains are obviously not as developed as ours are, therefore they are unable to view things from our perspectives. Young children notice more in the environment than we give them credit for.

Elkind explained that the four major types of play, which are mastery play, innovative play, kinship play, and therapeutic play, are essential for young children to achieve new learning experiences. Observing kinship play has always sparked my interest. “[Kinship play] is between two children who are complete strangers, yet behaving as if they were longtime friends” (p. 112). Almost anyone who has been around children has viewed this type of play, and I was surprised to learn that there is an actual term for it. Occasionally, I visit Woodward Park in Fresno for picnics, biking down the trails, and okay, I admit it…feeding crumbled bread to the ducks that wander all around the place. There are children to be seen everywhere around the park, which is where I can remember identifying kinship play. At various large picnics, I have watched children from all walks of life play ball or tag together – children I do not believe knew each other prior to arriving to the park that day. I find it fascinating that children are so open and drawn to playing with someone who is essentially an absolute foreigner to them. However, within minutes it is possible for them to become best friends.

Clearing Up Some Misunderstandings

This is Sara with her mom when Sara was just a baby. She said, "I was a very chubby baby! I was adopted from S.Korea at 10 months old, and my mom always said that the Korean adopting agency thought that American couples wanted healthy (chubby) looking babies. I was so chubby my pediatrician had a difficult time finding my knee caps!" Well, thankfully, Sara didn't have any trouble finding chapter 5 in the Elkind book, as she's done a great job writing about it here. Happy reading!


Elkind begins this chapter by sharing a heartbreaking story of a girl who was raised under the most horrific circumstances. She was dehumanized by her parents to the highest degree, keeping her cooped up in a tiny room until the age of thirteen. She was mentally, physically and socially far behind anyone her age. During Elkind’s time observing and evaluating this girl, he came up with three misunderstandings about how children learn.

The first misunderstanding is The “Watch Me” Theory of Learning and Instruction (p.91). This misunderstanding explains how teachers, parents and caregivers often essentially “give up” on children’s learning process. Instead of allowing children to learn through imitation and repetition, parents may lose patience and try to focus the child’s attention on something else. Or, they may take the activity in their own hands and, in turn, tell the child to “watch me.” I have to admit that as a child development major, my biggest fear is losing patience. I feel that it is important for me to make the conscious effort to stay in the moment with students all the time. It would be unfair and selfish of me to not allow children to learn at their own pace.

The second misunderstanding is The “Little Sponge” Theory of Learning and Instruction (p. 95). Elkind explains that followers of this theory believe that there is a certain time period the brain is conditioned to absorb as much information as possible. To an extent, children instinctively know about certain subjects and learn their meanings, but may not understand their concepts. I agree with Elkind: “They [infants and young children] take more time to process information than adults do, at a lower level of abstraction and complexity” (p.98). This concept coincides with what I have learned from Piaget’s theory of cognitive development: Children organize their thoughts into different structures and refine those structures as they mature.

Finally, the last misunderstanding is The “Look Harder” Theory of Learning and Instruction (p. 98). Naturally, we are all born curious and eager to learn about our environment. As we learn about new concepts we learn what they do and what they are for. I assume most adults forget how vulnerable infants and young children are and how it affects the rate they learn. I believe that children today are being taught things at an inappropriate age. We need to allow children to be children and appreciate and respect their development rate. Learning that children do not learn from watching, absorbing or looking harder, how do they learn?

Elkind states that, “Learning is the product of play-generated experiences limited only by the child’s level of intellectual development” (p. 103). He also suggests that there are four types of play: “mastery play, innovative play, kinship play, and therapeutic play” (p. 103). In mastery play, infants learn object permanence and start coordinating their motor skills. Through repetition and imitation children will learn more effectively both in the physical domain and mentally. Once children refine those skills, they can start to build new ones on their own by being innovative. I feel that kinship play is essential to a child’s developmental needs. Generally, people like to associate themselves with people who share the same interests. But with children, they are “naturally drawn to one another” regardless of their interests (p.112).

I believe these types of play can resolve our misunderstandings about how children learn and raise the awareness of parents and teachers. As an aspiring teacher, I think it was important for me to understand Elkind’s misunderstandings about how children learn. I hope these tools will help guide me to become an effective teacher and mentor to young children.

One Last Look at Parental Angst

Our final entry on chapter 4 was written by Vanesa. As you read her entry, you'll see that she has recognized connections to her own childhood. Enjoy!

I enjoyed reading the chapter because it helped me realize and become aware of some issues involved with parenting. I don’t have any children of my own yet, but someday I will and I’m sure I’ll find myself in some of these situations.

I thought it was interesting to find out that parents experience Parent Peer Pressure. Parents may become “concerned with how their parenting looks to others” (p.64), and this may lead them to do things they don’t normally believe in. This reminds me of a few situations I used to put my mom through when I was a teenager. Whenever one of my friends invited me somewhere, say to a Quinceanera (the Hispanic tradition of celebrating a young girl's coming of age - 15th birthday), I was sort of afraid to ask my mom if I could go, fearing she would say no. So to make things easier for me, I would have my friend’s mom call my mom and ask her if I could go with them. I figured, if my friend had permission to go then I should too. I felt that by putting my mom on the spot, she would have no other choice than to let me go. Thankfully most of time she would let me go out, but there were those times when my scheme didn’t work. Now that I look back, I think my mom didn’t want to let me go because she felt I was too young to be out at night without much adult supervision. I now realize that it was a form of parent peer pressure. Every parent has there reasons for not wanting their child to do a certain thing. However, there will be those cases when parents will fall prey to parent peer pressure and go against their rules because they don’t want to seem too uptight.

I found it to be interesting when Elkind mentioned that the period of childhood innocence once ended during the preteen years, but now ends at age six or seven. Elkind used the example of Barbie, who was once meant for school-aged girls, now being owned by two year olds. I agree with this because at my age, I find myself looking at kids and teens of today and thinking, “Wow, they are growing up so fast!” I remember being in 5th grade and still wanting to play with my Barbies; these days young girls are more interested in having a cell phone and wearing the latest fashions. I just think it's interesting how the times have changed. I feel Elkind made a good point when he said, “Because we have lost control over the information flow to our children, we are forced to accept their loss of innocence" (p. 80).

I found this chapter to be very helpful. It hits on topics that we come across in our lives, and don’t really stop to think about until we have the situation on our hands. As mentioned earlier, I am not yet a parent and am happy to say that reading about parent angst did not discourage me. I feel that gaining this knowledge will only help me in the future. I like being aware of situations I may face some day and can only hope that I will be prepared to deal with them accordingly.

Just Say No! (To Parental Angst!)

Our third entry on chapter four was written by Berenisse. You'll see that, though she's not a parent yet, Elkind has influenced her desire to avoid parental angst because she'd like to do what's best for her children. Happy reading!

In Chapter Four, Elkind discusses how parents want the best for their child, but sometimes parents experience peer pressure. He mentions how being a first time mom is like being a teen once again; they begin to worry about what other parents think of their parenting style, and feel as if everyone is watching. This can make parents become overprotective, leading to hyperparenting and overprogramming. This can put a lot of stress on a child because they begin to feel pressure from their parents, which can take the fun out of certain things.

Elkind begins by talking about how a parent from a children’s school at Tufts University was concerned with how much their child was spending on play time. She told Elkind that her friend’s four-year-old was already learning letters and numbers, and she worried that her child wasn’t going to be prepared for first grade. This is a perfect example of adults being pressured to become good parents. It has been said that society is rushing children to grow up instead of just letting them develop naturally. I believe that most children at one point in their lives experience pressure from their parents. For me, I noticed this experience began to take place during my teenage years.

When I was a teenager, I began to feel as if my mother worried too much about what others had to say. This made me angry because I felt like she was trying to control me to seek others’ approval. From the pressure my mother put on me, I learned to not care about what others has to say or think, as long as I was happy. This put a lot of stress on me as a teenager, because I felt that she was over protecting me and trying to control me; she was invading my space. That caused a lot of problems between my parents and me because I began to act up and rebel against my mother’s wishes. My mother has not changed much, and now my little sister is going through the same situation I did. Fortunately, she has our older sister and me to look up to and help her go through it.

What I understood from the reading was that Elkind was comparing teenagers to first-time moms. I was a little confused when I was reading the chapter because he started talking about parents having peer pressure, and then he jumped to talking about teenagers having an imaginary audience. I couldn’t make the connection until Elkind mentioned that being a first time mom is almost like being a teen or a freshman in college. Some parents and teens go through peer pressure. They worry about what others think and create an imaginary audience. An imaginary audience is in a person’s mind, and means they feel that other people are thinking about and observing everything they are doing. Elkind said that this happens whenever a person enters into a new social situation because people become egocentric. This can create angst for parents and begin to put too much stress on their child.

Another way a child’s natural growth and development is affected is through parent’s overinvestment. Elkind mentioned how families are having fewer children which gives parents more time to be involved in their child’s life. It is a good thing that parents are watching every step of their child’s development, but when they are interfering with their development it can lead to a lot of stress. An example that Elkind gave was about his granddaughter Lily. Lily’s parents were excited to show her latest talents to friends and family and since they asked her to show off her accomplishments so often, she got tired of showing her talents when her parents asked her to. This put a lot of pressure on Lily because this wasn’t something that she wanted to do, therefore took away the fun and she wasn’t happy. I never knew that overinvestment was even possible. This was one of the parts in this chapter that I would have not thought about.

After reading this chapter and relating it to my own personal experience I have learned that I do not want to be a parent that falls under the influence of peer pressure. I think it’s important that children have the opportunity to grow and develop in their own ways, and so therefore, I want to limit the pressure that I put on my future children.

Not Feeling the Angst Yet...But Leery of It!

Fall finally seems to have arrived, and before we know it, Halloween will be upon us! This is Yvonne as a young child, "all dressed up and ready to go trick-or-treating." A new parent herself, in this second entry on chapter 4, Yvonne continues our discussion on parental angst and more specifically, "imaginary audience." I think you'll appreciate her insights.

I truly enjoyed this chapter, and as I read, many thoughts of my own childhood flashed back into my memory. I also had several moments where I absolutely agreed with the things that Elkind was discussing. This chapter specifically addresses the anxieties that many parents have for their children and how these anxieties can be harmful to the child and family if they are not recognized and controlled.

As I read the introductory section I thought of how I can relate to the anxieties that parents feel. I am a new mother. Actually very new -- my son is only 16 weeks old -- but that doesn't mean I haven't thought about all that I would like to do for him, and all of the opportunities I would like to provide for him. Elkind states that parents are concerned about giving their children "intellectual stimulation as well as social experience and extracurricular opportunities" (p. 64). This is true for me. He then went on to describe the harm that some parents can cause because they want to do so much for their children. The three harmful things he listed that parents engage in were "overprotection," "overscheduling," and "overprogramming." However, before he delved into these three things he first talked about "Parent Pressures," reasons for parental angst.

I wanted to share some insights I experienced as he discussed parent peer pressure. Fortunately, I haven't had to deal much with this yet and hopefully I will be a confident enough parent to never be tempted to give into this. But I wanted to share something new that I learned. Elkind talked about an "imaginary audience." I had never heard of this before, but I know that I sure had an imaginary audience in my mind as a teenager. This "imaginary audience" is evaluating our behavior and appearance just as much as we do ourselves. Elkind argued that this "imaginary audience" will reappear as we enter into new social and emotional situations. Being a new parent is such a time, when the "imaginary audience" can reemerge. I agree with Elkind on this argument. It is logically sound and I think I have experienced a little of what he is talking about.

Now we will explore "overprotection," one of the effects of parental angst. As I read this section of the chapter I was truly reminded of my childhood. My mother was definitely overprotective of my siblings and me. In illustrating things that an overprotective parent might do, Elkind spoke about parents using cell phones to keep tabs on their children. My mother did this. Never mind that we told her exactly where we were going to be, what we were doing, who we were with, and when we would be home all per her request before we left; she would still call us a few times while we were out to see how we were or what we were up to. To my knowledge, I had never done anything to make her lose her trust in me, yet she would still call. I'll admit I got annoyed.

There is much more that I could discuss with you but I don't want to write a novel if you haven't read this chapter yet I encourage you to do so. I found it to be stimulating and thought provoking. I also got some ideas for how I can be a better parent.

New Baby?...New Angst!

When you're able to tear your eyes away from the photo of that cute little baby, you'll be able to read this, and know that he is the new son of Kathleen, the author of our first entry on chapter 4. That's her holding him, of course, and you'll see in her entry that Elkind's ideas are really hitting home with her. Happy reading!

I am the brand new parent of a six-week-old little boy, and Elkind’s chapter on Child Play and Parent Angst could not have been more perfect for me. In this chapter Elkind talks about the pressures parents feel to raise their children by societal standards, even when those standards are not the most beneficial for the child. Elkind called the pressure parents feel to raise their children a certain way “parent peer pressure” (p.64). I have to admit that in just the few six weeks that I have been a parent I have felt the pressure to raise my baby the “right” way. I have received advice not only from my parents, in-laws, and friends, but also strangers in grocery stores! Everyone seems to know the correct way to raise a child, and people are not shy about telling you their opinion.

Elkind also talked about an “imaginary audience” (p. 65) that a lot of new parents believe is watching them. New parents are very concerned with how other people perceive them as parents, and they allow their imaginary audience to dictate how they parent, instead of using their common sense and values. I remember when I was in my ninth month of pregnancy I began craving iced coffee. All of my pregnancy I had abstained from coffee because I knew that caffeine could have some adverse side effects on the growing baby, but my mid-wife had told me that small amounts of caffeine in the third trimester wasn’t a problem. So, one day I drove to a Starbucks, but I just couldn’t get myself to get out of the car because I was so worried what the employees and customers inside might think of me. Would they think I was a bad mother for drinking coffee while pregnant? That is what an imaginary audience is. Looking back now, all of my anxiety about a simple iced coffee was just ridiculous.

Elkind believes that it is these and other pressures that lead parents to hyper parent, overprotect, and over program their children. A hyper parent can also be called a “helicopter” parent. They are the parents who constantly hover over their children to make sure they are doing what they are supposed to be doing, behaving in the appropriate ways, and achieving the standards that their parents have set forth for them, whether it is in academia, sports, or private lessons. Hyper parenting can have lasting negative effects not only on the way a child participates in school, sports, and private lessons, but also on the parent-child relationship.

In the past, an overprotective parent was one who tried to preserve a child’s innocence for as long as possible. Today, overprotective parents are more concerned with their children’s physical well-being than their mental well-being. When I was a child I was never allowed to go trick-o-treating because as my father poetically put it, “That’s when all the crazies come out!” I was unfortunate enough to grow up with an over protective parent. I know he only wanted what was best for me, but because he was so worried about my safety in the world I missed out on a lot of childhood experiences.

Finally the pressures to parent properly can also cause what Elkind called over programming. Over programming is when a parent burdens their children with music lessons, tennis lessons, math tutors, and an abundance of educational toys and programs. Over programming can be very stressful on a child. Elkind states that parents need to realize that children will learn and grow so much more through spontaneous play than they will with expensive lessons and programs.

Elkind concludes that hyper parenting, overprotection, and over programming interfere with the interaction of play, love, and work. All in all, what I understand is that kids just need time to be kids; parents need to worry less about what other people are thinking about them; and that play is the best form of learning for children.

Some Final Thoughts on Screen Play and Iconic Literacy: Ideas for Raising My Own Children

Christina is the author of our third and final entry on chapter 3. You'll see that, like our two previous authors, she has expressed her opinions on a number of topics presented by Elkind. Happy reading!

Take a second and ask your parents and/or grandparents the activities they did when they were little kids. Now ask a child today what their favorite thing to do with their free time is, and you will be surprised to find how it has changed through generations. David Elkind believes children spend a lot more time with sedentary screen play than playing outdoors like they used to in past times.

When I was a little girl, I remember playing many outdoor games with the neighborhood kids. Every kid around the block would come to our front yard and we would play freeze tag, baseball, and four square. Now, I look at my little cousins and I see them always playing inside with their video games. The sad thing is that I now join them instead of showing them other social alternatives that can be fun for them to do. Elkind reported that two-thirds of children who are two years old or less, "use some kind of screen media" (p.43).

While reading, I became interested in how parents expect young children to learn
from television shows like Baby Einstein when their visual systems are not fully developed. An infant spends most of his time sleeping, so I agree with Elkind that “It is vitally important that they spend most of their waking time actively relating to caregivers and exploring their sensory world through active play” (p.45). I feel they should be encouraged to play and explore basic concepts before putting them in front of television to learn. I don’t necessarily mean that all infant television shows are bad for kids, but that parents should moderate the amount of programming the infant gets.

One of the largest marketers of educational media for children and infants is Leapfrog Products. Things like this make me feel that parents buy computer toys to keep their little ones occupied instead of spending time with them. For example, instead of having Leapfrog teach kids learn how to count, parents can do the same by letting them see visuals that allow them to further explore their other senses, and have the child count aloud with them.

The chapter continues to give examples of learning programs that are given to young infants, and suggests how they should be limited. After reading this chapter, I have realized how important it is to give infants the right type of play and learning materials. I know that not all computer/television learning programs are bad, but that people have to pay attention to how much is being shown to children. One positive thing that Elkind mentions is “From a theory of play perspective, computer games allow for student input (play), challenge and excitement (love), and learning about the world (work)” (pg.59). I never really paid much attention to how all these three can come from one single thing and make such a big difference to a growing child.

Unfortunately, entertainment media has become such a big part in a child’s life that sometimes parents forget and it becomes a misuse of technology. I believe parents just need to become aware and choose programs that will benefit their children’s learning. Over all, this book has not only taught me about becoming aware of what children learn from, but also to take into consideration the different ways our kids can have fun in a more beneficial manner. I have been inspired once again from a book that leads me to an idea about how I want to raise my own kids when the right time comes.

More on Screen Play and Iconic Literacy

Our second entry on chapter 3 was written by Anel. She explains that Elkind has helped her understand more fully the impact that screen media has on children, and I think you'll appreciate her perspectives. Happy reading!

This chapter discusses how screen media in the forms of computer games, television, and video games affect and influence the personality and attitude of children. I really enjoyed this chapter because I was able to connect with the text, not only through personal experience, but through observations I have made with children.

Elkind begins the chapter with an observation he made in a theatre. His observation involved children’s reactions to the movie Jurrasic Park. Elkind gives insight from literary scholar Marshall McLuhan and his views that “… the electronic media are bringing about a fundamental change in out way of thinking” (p. 39). It is true, we hear and read that children should be limited to the amount of time they watch television and use the computer. I agree with McLuhan, the new media indeed affects our thinking and learning. Elkind elaborates on McLuhan’s insights on the medium of the media. "Hot media" involves less participation than "cool media." The example given in the text was that of a photograph and a sketch. The photograph would be considered a hot media, while the sketch is subtle and involves active participation, which makes it a cold media.

Elkind states, “We as individuals, and how we respond to screen content is at least partly determined by our personality traits, attitudes, and values” (p. 38). This statement, I would argue, connects very well with McLuhan’s theory of the hot and cold medium. We choose how we spend our time with the media and the type of programs we watch and play. Growing up, I remember being very physically active. I enjoyed using my imagination, playing games, and taking part in physical activities such as bowling and rollerblading. I do admit that I was a big TV fanatic, and guilty as charged, I still am.

Elkind explains and describes his experiment in testing several computer games; he gives the example of the Baby Einstein DVD’s. I am a nanny, and the Baby Einstein DVD’s are great to keep the eight-month-old twins tranquil and entertained. To my surprise, the boy was very entertained by the music and the figures shown on the screen; his sister, on the other hand, was like Elkind’s granddaughter. She was focused on her task and accomplishing a goal while the music played in the background. It was interesting to see both of their reactions to the media, and after reading this chapter I understand a little more. Although cognitively the infants were not capable of understanding the images, they can however, focus on objects and things beyond themselves, as described in Piaget's explanation of Secondary Circular Reactions of substage three in the Sensorimotor Stage.

One phrase struck me. It was a paraphrase of Shakespeare made by Elkind, and it reads, “ Some children are born to be active, some children become active, and some have activity thrust upon them. Some children have activity built into their genes” (p.61). This quote made me reflect on my own childhood. In terms of hot and cold media, I can say that growing up I was definitely drawn to hot media; as an adult, I can appreciate and take pleasure in both hot and cold. During my childhood I enjoyed watching many shows that included cartoons as varied as Sailor Moon and the Disney movie collection. As I approached middle-childhood, I began to watch shows on the Disney channel, Videos on VH1 and MTV, and of course Latino channel Mexican Soap Operas. Looking back I feel like these types of interactions did play a role in my attitude towards screen literacy. While my friends were reading books that their parents checked out for them in the public library, I was busy catching up on the latest Disney movie. I think that the environment in which the child grows up also influences the outcome in their preference for hot and cold media. Perhaps if I had been introduced and encouraged by my parents to read books, I might have been able to enjoy both hot and cold mediums as I do now. I must say, it took encouragement and motivation to become one person who enjoys reading and spending time observing objects and ideas that might be considered cold media.

Before taking child development courses, I read that too much television and too many video games affected children. I did not know how, but in this short chapter, Elkind has given me a better idea of what screen media is and how it is both positive and negative in children’s lives. I look forward to learning more and teaching others that there should be a balance in children’s lives. Personally, I do not think that children should be given computers and other advanced technological toys at a young age. I feel that children should be encouraged to explore and become active thinkers before being introduced to media. Media knowledge is important as adults living in the twenty-first century, but children catch on fast and so I think that giving them a late start on screen media will not be negative but possibly beneficial.

Elkind on Screenplay and Iconic Literacy: Balance is Key

Can you believe we're already on chapter 3? LaToya wrote our first entry, and you'll see that she agrees with a lot of what Elkind has suggested regarding screenplay in the lives of children. I hope you take time to read her thoughts and see if you agree, as well.

In the third chapter of Elkind’s book, he spends some time focusing on a common question asked by parents and non-parents: “When, how much, and at what pace should we introduce children to the many faces of electronic media?” (p. 37). He talks about how some people think that all movies will affect every child in the same way. I honestly have had this lingering notion, that most children will react in the same way to a horror film and will naturally get scared. Elkind makes a good point in stating that children are individuals just as adults are. They will react according to their own personality traits. I thought this to be an interesting point and thought to myself, “He is absolutely right.”

We all know that most media can be destructive to young minds, but is it really as simple as thinking a child who watches a horror film is doomed to become a serial killer? Elkind explains that the “Media has to give the viewer a chance to take some initiative (play), to be emotionally involved (love), and to learn something about the world (work),” in order for the child to be impacted (p.38). Basically we need to very carefully pick and choose what our children are watching on television, including shows that are supposed to “enhance” their learning, because some of them may not even be age appropriate. For example, Elkind states that we should expect our infants to learn more from animation and musical films, versus real live words. Babies shouldn’t be pushed forward before the time is right.

There are healthy tv shows for our kids, believe it or not, and Elkind talks about these further on in the chapter. I really agree with the idea that we should not promote computer usage among infants. I don’t think I started using a computer program until preschool, or even elementary. There are now programs that claim to teach an infant to read. Babies’ cognitive development hasn’t reached the point to where they should be learning to read, in my opinion. I think we should stay away from programs like these.

Computers today have consumed much in our daily lives. There comes a time for the usage of computers in children’s daily lives. I notice that technology as a whole has taken up a lot of our kids’ attention, and time spent on the computer is growing, whereas time spent outside playing and exploring is declining. There’s even a big difference from when I was a kid. I am 22 years old and I have already seen kids' decreased outdoor play; it almost seems non existent. I remember doing it all when I was younger: playing outside for hours, playing on the computer, and playing video games. So there definitely can be a healthy balance.

Toys Should Foster Imagination

Our fourth and final entry for chapter 2 was written by Mallory. Like our previous authors on this chapter, she appreciates Elkind's perspectives on the importance of imaginative play, and I think you'll enjoy her examples from her own childhood. Happy reading!

In the first part of the chapter, Elkind addresses the problem of children having too many toys and receiving them too often. Looking back on my childhood, I remember being ecstatic during Christmas time and my birthday. The reason I would get so excited was because there would always be that one special toy that I would pick out, and hope and pray that I would get it as a gift. Elkind argues that with children now receiving toys for no special occasion, they accrue an abundance of toys and don’t really seem to value any of them. They go from one toy to the next without spending enough time with one toy to develop an imaginary experience with it.
One change I have noticed that accentuates this is there are toys everywhere a child goes with their parents now, even grocery stores. When I was a child, it was a special privilege and outing to be able to go to a toy store and pick out a toy. Now, too often, I see parents not able to leave a grocery store before letting their child pick out a toy just for being there on the errand. They reward them for not making too much of a scene, while the child constantly asks what kind of toy they get to pick that day. Whenever I see this, it leads me to wonder what these people’s homes look like, and how many toys this child actually owns since this seems to be such a routine process.
Elkind’s excerpt about Maria Montessori was especially interesting. He talked about the use of “natural” materials and warm colors. I have learned about the benefit this has on children’s senses. It baffles me that so many schools, including my mom’s preschool class, are decorated with harsh fluorescent colors and so many plastic toys. These materials are not particularly warm and comforting, which are sensory experiences critical for development. The Harlow study with monkeys and the soft cloth mother is a great example of this. Piaget has taught us the importance of children learning through play.
Elkind worries that there is a decline in play and the type of play children are now engaging in. Imaginative play is especially important and children building fantasies around toys often aids in their “socialization into adult culture” (p. 24). I completely agree with this and think back to my days of playing with dolls. I always carried around the same Cabbage Patch doll that I named “Oh Baby,” and I was, in my mind, every bit his mother. I would bathe him, clothe him, feed him, take him to the grocery store and the park. My imagination was limitless as to the day this doll and I would have. Using play to become socialized into the culture of adults resonates with me and reminds me of my first day of preschool. We were all asked what we would like to be when we grew up, and my response was “a mommy.” I had such a vivid imagination with this doll and would often emulate my own mom and her mannerisms. To me, being a mom would be the best thing to be when I grew up.
Today, I feel like children’s toys are often mini laptops and pretend cell phones. I believe these are things children shouldn’t even know about yet, because they certainly don’t understand how they operate or what they are for in adult life. They also are encouraging children to grow up faster than they should by suggesting that they be competent with these devices at such a young age.
Reading this chapter has definitely opened my eyes to the overabundance of toys today and the importance of taking it back to the basics of imaginative play. It will definitely make me think twice when buying children’s toys and influence me to stick with the more natural, time-tested toys that stimulate children’s senses and imaginations.

An Eye Opener

Our third entry for chapter 2 was written by Ashley. I think you'll appreciate her personal perspectives and examples related to imaginary play. Enjoy.

Chapter two was a huge eye-opener for me because of how much we expect from children, and how different they are today compared to the 1990’s or earlier. There are different expectations placed on children now than when I was a child. My biggest concern as a child was who was coming over, what homework I had, or what sport I had that day. Now some children have every minute planned out, from music lessons to sports, and don’t have free time to explore how the world works, or to have an imaginary friend. My sister is in the fourth grade and she is already working on long division, something I didn’t learn until fifth or six grade. There is no time for a child to play dress up or to play fantasy games, which according to Elkind, is depriving the child of what he or she should be doing.

Children nowadays are too wrapped up in having too many toys and having the toy that is popular. Manufacturers now try to get the child’s attention through commercials because so many children watch television. The manufacturers want the kids to pester their parents until the parents give up and buy the toy. When I was younger, we got toys on special occasions like birthdays, Easter, or Christmas. I would count down the days until my birthday because I knew the day was all about me. Now children just expect gifts all year. If you don’t have the cool new toy then you get laughed at. The children in elementary school just want to fit in with the other kids.

When I was at work, the owner’s 2 1/2-year-old grandson was playing with just a regular box. It was so cute to see a child entertained by something so simple. He would hide in it and pop out like a jack-in-the-box. He also said that he was a present to his mom. We put holes in the side and he wore it around work for a couple hours. That was something we would have done when I was younger. He used his imagination and fantasy skills to make a simple box into a present. Later that day he popped bubbles with his karate chop. It was great; he was learning karate and using it to pop bubbles. My brother and I spent hours playing with chalk and bubbles outside, and these are fond memories for me.

When I was younger we used so much imagination by dressing up like princesses, or Barbies, or even mermaids in the pool because my favorite Disney movie was "The Little Mermaid." Children need to explore their imagination. Society gets children so wrapped up in computerized and microchip games that the children don’t have many options to use their thinking skills that involve dramatic play. Kids mostly want to play videogames or sit in front of the television. The only computer games I played were educational ones like "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom" or "Freddy the Fish." Most of the time kids should be running around outside or playing with neighborhood kids, like we used to do. Obesity is also becoming a bigger issue for younger kids because it is a lot easier to get fast food than home cooking for our American fast paced lives.

Another trait I learned as a kid that all kids should have is sharing and compromising with other kids. My brother and I are three years apart and so we would trade off playing each other’s games. Most children who have siblings have many separate toys. This doesn’t teach children to learn to share or to compromise on games to play.

These are just some of my thoughts about how toys influence children. This is my reflection and I hope you all enjoy it and can relate to my thoughts. Chapter two, for me, was an awesome chapter and can mean a lot when you think about it.