Fall finally seems to have arrived, and before we know it, Halloween will be upon us! This is Yvonne as a young child, "all dressed up and ready to go trick-or-treating." A new parent herself, in this second entry on chapter 4, Yvonne continues our discussion on parental angst and more specifically, "imaginary audience." I think you'll appreciate her insights.
I truly enjoyed this chapter, and as I read, many thoughts of my own childhood flashed back into my memory. I also had several moments where I absolutely agreed with the things that Elkind was discussing. This chapter specifically addresses the anxieties that many parents have for their children and how these anxieties can be harmful to the child and family if they are not recognized and controlled.
As I read the introductory section I thought of how I can relate to the anxieties that parents feel. I am a new mother. Actually very new -- my son is only 16 weeks old -- but that doesn't mean I haven't thought about all that I would like to do for him, and all of the opportunities I would like to provide for him. Elkind states that parents are concerned about giving their children "intellectual stimulation as well as social experience and extracurricular opportunities" (p. 64). This is true for me. He then went on to describe the harm that some parents can cause because they want to do so much for their children. The three harmful things he listed that parents engage in were "overprotection," "overscheduling," and "overprogramming." However, before he delved into these three things he first talked about "Parent Pressures," reasons for parental angst.
I wanted to share some insights I experienced as he discussed parent peer pressure. Fortunately, I haven't had to deal much with this yet and hopefully I will be a confident enough parent to never be tempted to give into this. But I wanted to share something new that I learned. Elkind talked about an "imaginary audience." I had never heard of this before, but I know that I sure had an imaginary audience in my mind as a teenager. This "imaginary audience" is evaluating our behavior and appearance just as much as we do ourselves. Elkind argued that this "imaginary audience" will reappear as we enter into new social and emotional situations. Being a new parent is such a time, when the "imaginary audience" can reemerge. I agree with Elkind on this argument. It is logically sound and I think I have experienced a little of what he is talking about.
Now we will explore "overprotection," one of the effects of parental angst. As I read this section of the chapter I was truly reminded of my childhood. My mother was definitely overprotective of my siblings and me. In illustrating things that an overprotective parent might do, Elkind spoke about parents using cell phones to keep tabs on their children. My mother did this. Never mind that we told her exactly where we were going to be, what we were doing, who we were with, and when we would be home all per her request before we left; she would still call us a few times while we were out to see how we were or what we were up to. To my knowledge, I had never done anything to make her lose her trust in me, yet she would still call. I'll admit I got annoyed.
There is much more that I could discuss with you but I don't want to write a novel if you haven't read this chapter yet I encourage you to do so. I found it to be stimulating and thought provoking. I also got some ideas for how I can be a better parent.
While I'm too old to have had a cell phone when I was a child, I appreciate your experiences with this, as I am often amazed at how young many children are today when they get their first cell phones. It seems a reasonable safety device...but I also think it's often overkill, for the very reasons that you and Elkind discuss. And don't get me started on the topic of young children having iPhones...yes, I love mine, but WOW! That's an expensive - and distracting! - gadget for a child!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd one final note...your picture makes me wonder if you're going to dress your baby up for Halloween -- fun! :)
Yvonne,
ReplyDeleteI think you chose the perfect chapter to discuss since you recently became a mother. You gave me a parental view on the issues in the chapter that I would not be able to see since I am not a parent. I'm glad to hear that you haven't experienced too much parental pressure! I can't imagine the awkward social and emotional setting that new parents are often in when they are constantly worrying about how other people will judge their parenting. I believe there is a misconception that there is "the right way to raise a child." If new parents choose to use parenting techniques that are outside of that "right way" then they would feel great pressure to expose those parenting techniques to other people.
I completely understand where you're coming from when it comes to being "overprotected" as a child. When I got a cell phone, I was required to call her when I arrived where I said I was going, and call her again when I was on my way home. It was a rare occasion to not receive a phone call from her while I was out to check up on me as well.
Kristin Livanis
I know exactly how you feel, Yvonne. Up to even this day, my mom still calls me every time I go out past 10 at night. When I miss her calls, she will keep calling and calling and will leave me one of her usual messages saying, “Do you not know that it's late? Are you not scared of the bad people? You better come home right now!” It's funny because most of the time, I'm around people that she already knows and each time that I tell her one thing, I end up telling her again when I come home. I believe my mom is also overprotective but it's more towards the girls in the family. My mom is always worried that I will get pregnant by going out too much, but she doesn't understand that I am just hanging out with girls and don't do those things so that will never happen.
ReplyDeleteLa Vang