Our third entry on chapter four was written by Berenisse. You'll see that, though she's not a parent yet, Elkind has influenced her desire to avoid parental angst because she'd like to do what's best for her children. Happy reading!
In Chapter Four, Elkind discusses how parents want the best for their child, but sometimes parents experience peer pressure. He mentions how being a first time mom is like being a teen once again; they begin to worry about what other parents think of their parenting style, and feel as if everyone is watching. This can make parents become overprotective, leading to hyperparenting and overprogramming. This can put a lot of stress on a child because they begin to feel pressure from their parents, which can take the fun out of certain things.
Elkind begins by talking about how a parent from a children’s school at Tufts University was concerned with how much their child was spending on play time. She told Elkind that her friend’s four-year-old was already learning letters and numbers, and she worried that her child wasn’t going to be prepared for first grade. This is a perfect example of adults being pressured to become good parents. It has been said that society is rushing children to grow up instead of just letting them develop naturally. I believe that most children at one point in their lives experience pressure from their parents. For me, I noticed this experience began to take place during my teenage years.
When I was a teenager, I began to feel as if my mother worried too much about what others had to say. This made me angry because I felt like she was trying to control me to seek others’ approval. From the pressure my mother put on me, I learned to not care about what others has to say or think, as long as I was happy. This put a lot of stress on me as a teenager, because I felt that she was over protecting me and trying to control me; she was invading my space. That caused a lot of problems between my parents and me because I began to act up and rebel against my mother’s wishes. My mother has not changed much, and now my little sister is going through the same situation I did. Fortunately, she has our older sister and me to look up to and help her go through it.
What I understood from the reading was that Elkind was comparing teenagers to first-time moms. I was a little confused when I was reading the chapter because he started talking about parents having peer pressure, and then he jumped to talking about teenagers having an imaginary audience. I couldn’t make the connection until Elkind mentioned that being a first time mom is almost like being a teen or a freshman in college. Some parents and teens go through peer pressure. They worry about what others think and create an imaginary audience. An imaginary audience is in a person’s mind, and means they feel that other people are thinking about and observing everything they are doing. Elkind said that this happens whenever a person enters into a new social situation because people become egocentric. This can create angst for parents and begin to put too much stress on their child.
Another way a child’s natural growth and development is affected is through parent’s overinvestment. Elkind mentioned how families are having fewer children which gives parents more time to be involved in their child’s life. It is a good thing that parents are watching every step of their child’s development, but when they are interfering with their development it can lead to a lot of stress. An example that Elkind gave was about his granddaughter Lily. Lily’s parents were excited to show her latest talents to friends and family and since they asked her to show off her accomplishments so often, she got tired of showing her talents when her parents asked her to. This put a lot of pressure on Lily because this wasn’t something that she wanted to do, therefore took away the fun and she wasn’t happy. I never knew that overinvestment was even possible. This was one of the parts in this chapter that I would have not thought about.
After reading this chapter and relating it to my own personal experience I have learned that I do not want to be a parent that falls under the influence of peer pressure. I think it’s important that children have the opportunity to grow and develop in their own ways, and so therefore, I want to limit the pressure that I put on my future children.
I agree with you that your little sister is lucky to have you and your older sister to navigate her childhood. I know that I learned a lot from watching my two older brothers and how they interacted with my parents.
ReplyDeleteAnd I love that Elkind made you think about things you hadn't thought about before...that is definitely one of the joys and benefits of reading!
Berenisse,
ReplyDeleteAs does Dr. Reid, I am so glad your little sister has 2 older siblings to look to for guidance. When I was growing up, it was very difficult for me to seek help because my dad was one to be very overprotective and controlling and my older siblings were disassociated from my immediate family.
In regards to your entry, I too was confused when I first read Elkind saying that new parents are like teenagers. As I kept reading, I realized that was a great analogy to use when speaking about new parents. Although I am not a parent either, I really appreciated this chapter because it helps me see how my mother and older sister might have felt when they were pregnant with their first child. I never considered the pressure from outside sources because my own family ALWAYS had their own ideas about how my mother should be raising her children.
His analogy means so much more to me now as I think about entering a new environment. I find myself becoming more egocentric because I am nervous what people might be saying about me. Although natural, I wish my brain wouldn't think about what others thought of me- it can be stressful and overwhelming at times- which is something I am progressively achieving.
-Lai Robinson
Reading your entry, I can relate to you because I too felt like my parents were trying to control me to seek others approval. My parents would tell me stories about people that I shouldn't be like. Also, they would always say to me to do good, so that I wouldn't be an embarrassment. Everything that I do that my parents don't agree on always ended up in a lecture. They would say to me to not do that because others would look at you differently and say bad things about you. Though I was raised this way, I'm not planning on raising my children that way some day. I'm going to raise my children the way I feel will make them good even if others disapprove. -Chai Lee
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your thoughts about this chapter. Thank you for sharing some insight into your own childhood experiences of parental angst. As you were sharing about how your mother giving into parent peer pressure made her more "strict" on you as a teen, I began to think about the flipside of this. I have seen parents give into parent peer pressure and become more lenient and too loose with their children. They allow their child to do things that they normally wouldn't because another parent, or many other parents, feel that it is OK. You made me realize that there are many faces of parent peer pressure.
ReplyDeleteThough you are not yet a parent, I am glad that you are aware of these issues surrounding parental angst. I think that this is a great chapter for everyone to read even if they are not ever planning on being a parent because they can use this chapter to help them avoid "teacher peer pressure" or to help a friend or family member to avoid the ills of parental angst.
This blog entry is one of my favorites because I feel like I can truly connect to it. I don’t mean to offend anyone else in the class because everyone has done such a wonderful job. I have been reading and waiting for the right time to comment and this blog entry stuck a chord with me. One thing that always seems to come up in every early childhood conversation is how parents are pushing their children to grow up too fast. Parents are spending way too much time focusing on how they can make their child become smarter then their peers. I agree that often times parents act like teenagers in the sense that they care too much about what other parents say or think about their child. It is a simple example of the quality versus quantity debate. The type of material that is taught should be more important than the amount of information that a child fills their brain with.
ReplyDeleteSome of the things that society pressures parents to teach their children aren’t age appropriate nor can they be fully understood because a foundation for learning the material hasn’t been developed. Pressure to push education at young ages is prevalent everywhere including parent magazines. Magazines, baby stores, and even infomercials are pushing educational toys and gadgets that are supposedly designed to promote healthy brain development. After reading the chapter and your blog it is clear to me how first-time moms can be like teenagers who are solely focused on their child “fitting in” rather than doing what is best for their child in the long term.
SARAH MCCARTHY