Perhaps "Reasoning" is the Fourth "R"

This is Lai, the author of our first -- and only! -- entry on chapter 6! She likes the bike picture best, and said, "I remember this tricycle.! I loved riding it on the basketball court in our old apartment complex!! Little did I know, that tricycle was the beginning of my scaffolding for being able to ride a bike, and eventually with no hands. Oh, how I miss the days when I played outside for hours and hours upon end... Childhood."

Ah, yes...childhood! Lai explains some of her thoughts on learning in childhood below, so happy reading!


Math, science and reading are all essentials in life. Although as young children we do not realize that the skills we learn are the skills we will carry throughout life, it is important to know how each of these concepts is used and for what they will be used.

Elkind shows how each of these subjects are understood, in relation to a child’s “age of reason.” I do agree with Elkind in the sense that people try and teach children based on their biological ages as opposed to what the child can comprehend developmentally. By doing this, parents and teachers can create more stress for the child because they feel the pressure of not knowing things that their parents think they should know. Everyone learns at a different pace and that is not always acknowledged. The pressures from the parents can be heavily linked to a previous chapter in which Elkind discusses parental peer pressure and angst about their child “not knowing as much as they should.” A child’s understanding of something can be shown by the level of reasoning they use for that piece of knowledge.

Elkind also talks about reason and how it applies to child rearing practices. Often times I hear young children getting in trouble because they “forgot” to use their manners. It makes me sad when young children are punished because a child will not always be able to react in the proper way if they have not reached the age of reason for that particular concept. When a child does not say “please” or “thank you,” the best thing to do is reinforce the idea that we are supposed to use our manners. Getting mad at the child because they have failed to do so only makes them less comfortable about talking to their parent. I agree with Elkind’s idea of introducing a sort of imaginary character who can help assert good habits of using manners- or what ever it is the parent wants the child to know. Children sometimes relate better to their imaginary friends because they can create the feelings and reactions given to them.

Reasoning is also found in formal instruction. It is important that the child be able to reason when learning so that whole concepts are understood. For example, when a child is learning a new math concept it is important to make sure that the child has reached the basic level of reasoning for that particular concept before more complex ones can be obtained. It is often apparent in the classroom setting whether a child has gained a basic level of reasoning for math skills. The child may appear to be frustrated and might even avoid the lesson being taught because they do not understand what is going on. This is one of the reasons why I believe the child-teacher relationship is so important. Sometimes extra attention is needed in order for the child to grasp the concepts being taught.

I also think it is important for parents to understand that their child will not be perfect. I feel that again, many of the ideas posed in this chapter relate heavily to previous chapters that illustrate the expectations we have for children. Parents and/or educators might feel the need to push the child along but reasoning follows an invariant sequence- the easier tasks must be grasped before the next step can be taken into account.

Bring Back Play!

Barbara, the author of our third entry on chapter 5, is pictured here with her siblings when they were children. She said, "This is me standing in the back at Grandma's house. I'm eight and it's my first communion; my brother Gabriel (7 yrs); Esther "BabyDoll" (6 yrs); and the youngest Christina (2 yrs). We spent a lot of time at my grandparents' (my dad's parents) in Tulare where they lived about 3 blocks from us. Every Sunday, we spent time at my mom's parents; they lived in Porterville. We still go to my grandparents' house (Tulare) every month. They're gone now but my aunt and uncle bought the house. Family has always been a big part of our life and we are raising our kids the same way. Daddy was a big part of our life and playing with the cousins and our dad was big for us. Miss him every day." Barbara lost her dad this summer, so you can imagine just how precious all of those childhood memories are now. And you'll see in her entry that she has many more wonderful memories of play with her dad and entire family. Enjoy!

The beginning of this chapter tells a story of a young girl who is confined because her father believes she is retarded. When she is finally removed from this environment, she is taken to a store and discovers new smells, sights, and sounds she hadn’t been exposed to before in her childhood. Elkind explains the role adults play in the learning process and how that role affects their learning. Society has rushed our children to learn everything quickly and lost the opportunities to learn through play.

The first misunderstanding is the “watch me” theory of learning and instruction (Elkind, p.91). Elkind explains that we don’t learn by watching, but by doing. Instead of the teacher or parent watching the child and giving them the opportunity to learn on their own, we’re expecting them to learn by watching us. Sometimes as adults we need to release the control and encourage “self-directed activities” even if they don’t seem related to what we are trying to teach.

The second misunderstanding is the “Little Sponge” theory of learning and instruction (Elkind, p.93). As adults we tend to have our own agenda when we try to teach through activities or events, and may get frustrated if we don’t think they are getting our lessons. However, children in effect, are always learning, just not always the way we think they are learning. The little sponge method has become a justification for the push to teach everything to our children during their preschool through elementary school years when their brain growth is the greatest. Elkind points out that there is no evidence to support this belief. Although they can readily take in a lot of information, it takes a lot longer for children to process the information because of their immature mental capabilities.

The third misunderstanding is the “Look Harder” theory of learning and instruction (Elkind, p. 98). Elkind basically explains that just because we see it, hear it, or read it doesn’t mean we understand it. He uses the example of reading a German phrase; you can read it, but unless you speak German, you’re not going to understand it. A lot of the school work now is rote memorization. Our children are taught to memorize the ‘math facts,’ which are pages of addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division problems starting from kindergarten, and the same for sight words. Does this help them comprehend the information or just memorize the information? I believe Elkind when he says that kids need to learn through play, which plays an important part in their cognitive growth.

My own elementary years were in the middle sixties to the early seventies, and I remember having longer recesses and more creative art and hands-on activities. I started kindergarten when I was four because of my birthdate, and we mostly did role playing, arts and crafts and had nap time. From first grade through high school, learning came easily to me and I was mostly a straight A student. My family participated in sports, Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts, and stayed out almost every night, playing outside rain or shine. When it rained my mom would give us a bucket and cooking utensils and we would make mud pies on the porch. My mom and dad were big on playing outdoors and just being kids for as long as possible. Our homework was done by the time dad got home and he would take us to play handball, catch, four square, freeze tag, duck-duck-goose, or to fly kites. We grew up in a large family of thirty-four cousins and spent a lot of time at grandma’s three or four times a week. Dad was our softball coach and mom was our softball manager. Playing was a big part of our life.

My husband and I are trying to do the same with our kids; Samuel is in cross-country, baseball, football, robotics club, drama club, and Boy Scouts, and our daughter is in softball, volleyball, reading book club (library) and Girl Scouts. These are things they enjoy and we want them to have fun and play as much as possible, however, schoolwork is making it harder and harder. Their recesses are shorter, days longer, and homework for both every night: six to eight pages. This does not include time they spend in class learning lessons, doing daily benchmark tests, and studying for state exams.

I understand academic learning is important to a child’s success later in their adult life, but I believe play teaches other values and lessons needed to succeed in their adult life. I feel play teaches children how to explore their world using both their body and mind, and teaches them to know themselves, and understand how to work socially in their environment. I’m like every parent and want my children to succeed in their future and continue their education through college, but it saddens me that they are getting pushed harder and losing play time, making them more frustrated with school.

It’s All a Big Misunderstanding!

This is Kristin, the author of our second entry on chapter 5. She continues our discussion on some of the misunderstandings about the young child's learning that are introduced by Elkind. She looks pretty determined in this picture, don't you think? You'll see in her entry that she's also pretty determined about what's best for children. Enjoy!

I find it devastating that adults are feeding children ineffective and even harmful practices for learning. It appears that many adults are simply uninformed with regards to the development of their child’s brain. Parents can become so wrapped up and obsessed with teaching their children everything as quickly as possible that they do not realize the negative impact on the child. They feel as though they need to teach their 3-year-olds mathematical equations, or their 2-year-olds how to read, or else their child will not be smart enough. Infant and young children’s brains are not mature enough to handle this pressure and intellectual stimulation, and I believe that forcing all of this information upon them is only taking away what should be their right to learn through play-oriented activities.

Out of the three main misunderstandings about how young children learn outlined in the chapter, the misunderstanding that I found the most disturbing, was the “Little Sponge” theory. I understand that brain growth is occurring at an outstanding rate during the first few years of life, but why are we trying to cram such a vast amount of information into it that young children are simply incapable of holding? By shoving computer games, television screens, and other electronic games that are misrepresented as educational in infants’ faces, we are only reducing their opportunities to engage in play, which is the most effective way for their intellectual development to skyrocket. Elkind explained it perfectly when he stated, “Infants and young children are not little sponges who readily absorb all information thrown at them. They take more time to process information than adults do, and at a lower level of abstraction and complexity” (p. 98). I could not agree more! As adults, it is difficult for us to truly comprehend how exactly a child is seeing, smelling, tasting, hearing, and touching the world. It is important for adults to understand that children’s brains are obviously not as developed as ours are, therefore they are unable to view things from our perspectives. Young children notice more in the environment than we give them credit for.

Elkind explained that the four major types of play, which are mastery play, innovative play, kinship play, and therapeutic play, are essential for young children to achieve new learning experiences. Observing kinship play has always sparked my interest. “[Kinship play] is between two children who are complete strangers, yet behaving as if they were longtime friends” (p. 112). Almost anyone who has been around children has viewed this type of play, and I was surprised to learn that there is an actual term for it. Occasionally, I visit Woodward Park in Fresno for picnics, biking down the trails, and okay, I admit it…feeding crumbled bread to the ducks that wander all around the place. There are children to be seen everywhere around the park, which is where I can remember identifying kinship play. At various large picnics, I have watched children from all walks of life play ball or tag together – children I do not believe knew each other prior to arriving to the park that day. I find it fascinating that children are so open and drawn to playing with someone who is essentially an absolute foreigner to them. However, within minutes it is possible for them to become best friends.

Clearing Up Some Misunderstandings

This is Sara with her mom when Sara was just a baby. She said, "I was a very chubby baby! I was adopted from S.Korea at 10 months old, and my mom always said that the Korean adopting agency thought that American couples wanted healthy (chubby) looking babies. I was so chubby my pediatrician had a difficult time finding my knee caps!" Well, thankfully, Sara didn't have any trouble finding chapter 5 in the Elkind book, as she's done a great job writing about it here. Happy reading!


Elkind begins this chapter by sharing a heartbreaking story of a girl who was raised under the most horrific circumstances. She was dehumanized by her parents to the highest degree, keeping her cooped up in a tiny room until the age of thirteen. She was mentally, physically and socially far behind anyone her age. During Elkind’s time observing and evaluating this girl, he came up with three misunderstandings about how children learn.

The first misunderstanding is The “Watch Me” Theory of Learning and Instruction (p.91). This misunderstanding explains how teachers, parents and caregivers often essentially “give up” on children’s learning process. Instead of allowing children to learn through imitation and repetition, parents may lose patience and try to focus the child’s attention on something else. Or, they may take the activity in their own hands and, in turn, tell the child to “watch me.” I have to admit that as a child development major, my biggest fear is losing patience. I feel that it is important for me to make the conscious effort to stay in the moment with students all the time. It would be unfair and selfish of me to not allow children to learn at their own pace.

The second misunderstanding is The “Little Sponge” Theory of Learning and Instruction (p. 95). Elkind explains that followers of this theory believe that there is a certain time period the brain is conditioned to absorb as much information as possible. To an extent, children instinctively know about certain subjects and learn their meanings, but may not understand their concepts. I agree with Elkind: “They [infants and young children] take more time to process information than adults do, at a lower level of abstraction and complexity” (p.98). This concept coincides with what I have learned from Piaget’s theory of cognitive development: Children organize their thoughts into different structures and refine those structures as they mature.

Finally, the last misunderstanding is The “Look Harder” Theory of Learning and Instruction (p. 98). Naturally, we are all born curious and eager to learn about our environment. As we learn about new concepts we learn what they do and what they are for. I assume most adults forget how vulnerable infants and young children are and how it affects the rate they learn. I believe that children today are being taught things at an inappropriate age. We need to allow children to be children and appreciate and respect their development rate. Learning that children do not learn from watching, absorbing or looking harder, how do they learn?

Elkind states that, “Learning is the product of play-generated experiences limited only by the child’s level of intellectual development” (p. 103). He also suggests that there are four types of play: “mastery play, innovative play, kinship play, and therapeutic play” (p. 103). In mastery play, infants learn object permanence and start coordinating their motor skills. Through repetition and imitation children will learn more effectively both in the physical domain and mentally. Once children refine those skills, they can start to build new ones on their own by being innovative. I feel that kinship play is essential to a child’s developmental needs. Generally, people like to associate themselves with people who share the same interests. But with children, they are “naturally drawn to one another” regardless of their interests (p.112).

I believe these types of play can resolve our misunderstandings about how children learn and raise the awareness of parents and teachers. As an aspiring teacher, I think it was important for me to understand Elkind’s misunderstandings about how children learn. I hope these tools will help guide me to become an effective teacher and mentor to young children.

One Last Look at Parental Angst

Our final entry on chapter 4 was written by Vanesa. As you read her entry, you'll see that she has recognized connections to her own childhood. Enjoy!

I enjoyed reading the chapter because it helped me realize and become aware of some issues involved with parenting. I don’t have any children of my own yet, but someday I will and I’m sure I’ll find myself in some of these situations.

I thought it was interesting to find out that parents experience Parent Peer Pressure. Parents may become “concerned with how their parenting looks to others” (p.64), and this may lead them to do things they don’t normally believe in. This reminds me of a few situations I used to put my mom through when I was a teenager. Whenever one of my friends invited me somewhere, say to a Quinceanera (the Hispanic tradition of celebrating a young girl's coming of age - 15th birthday), I was sort of afraid to ask my mom if I could go, fearing she would say no. So to make things easier for me, I would have my friend’s mom call my mom and ask her if I could go with them. I figured, if my friend had permission to go then I should too. I felt that by putting my mom on the spot, she would have no other choice than to let me go. Thankfully most of time she would let me go out, but there were those times when my scheme didn’t work. Now that I look back, I think my mom didn’t want to let me go because she felt I was too young to be out at night without much adult supervision. I now realize that it was a form of parent peer pressure. Every parent has there reasons for not wanting their child to do a certain thing. However, there will be those cases when parents will fall prey to parent peer pressure and go against their rules because they don’t want to seem too uptight.

I found it to be interesting when Elkind mentioned that the period of childhood innocence once ended during the preteen years, but now ends at age six or seven. Elkind used the example of Barbie, who was once meant for school-aged girls, now being owned by two year olds. I agree with this because at my age, I find myself looking at kids and teens of today and thinking, “Wow, they are growing up so fast!” I remember being in 5th grade and still wanting to play with my Barbies; these days young girls are more interested in having a cell phone and wearing the latest fashions. I just think it's interesting how the times have changed. I feel Elkind made a good point when he said, “Because we have lost control over the information flow to our children, we are forced to accept their loss of innocence" (p. 80).

I found this chapter to be very helpful. It hits on topics that we come across in our lives, and don’t really stop to think about until we have the situation on our hands. As mentioned earlier, I am not yet a parent and am happy to say that reading about parent angst did not discourage me. I feel that gaining this knowledge will only help me in the future. I like being aware of situations I may face some day and can only hope that I will be prepared to deal with them accordingly.

Just Say No! (To Parental Angst!)

Our third entry on chapter four was written by Berenisse. You'll see that, though she's not a parent yet, Elkind has influenced her desire to avoid parental angst because she'd like to do what's best for her children. Happy reading!

In Chapter Four, Elkind discusses how parents want the best for their child, but sometimes parents experience peer pressure. He mentions how being a first time mom is like being a teen once again; they begin to worry about what other parents think of their parenting style, and feel as if everyone is watching. This can make parents become overprotective, leading to hyperparenting and overprogramming. This can put a lot of stress on a child because they begin to feel pressure from their parents, which can take the fun out of certain things.

Elkind begins by talking about how a parent from a children’s school at Tufts University was concerned with how much their child was spending on play time. She told Elkind that her friend’s four-year-old was already learning letters and numbers, and she worried that her child wasn’t going to be prepared for first grade. This is a perfect example of adults being pressured to become good parents. It has been said that society is rushing children to grow up instead of just letting them develop naturally. I believe that most children at one point in their lives experience pressure from their parents. For me, I noticed this experience began to take place during my teenage years.

When I was a teenager, I began to feel as if my mother worried too much about what others had to say. This made me angry because I felt like she was trying to control me to seek others’ approval. From the pressure my mother put on me, I learned to not care about what others has to say or think, as long as I was happy. This put a lot of stress on me as a teenager, because I felt that she was over protecting me and trying to control me; she was invading my space. That caused a lot of problems between my parents and me because I began to act up and rebel against my mother’s wishes. My mother has not changed much, and now my little sister is going through the same situation I did. Fortunately, she has our older sister and me to look up to and help her go through it.

What I understood from the reading was that Elkind was comparing teenagers to first-time moms. I was a little confused when I was reading the chapter because he started talking about parents having peer pressure, and then he jumped to talking about teenagers having an imaginary audience. I couldn’t make the connection until Elkind mentioned that being a first time mom is almost like being a teen or a freshman in college. Some parents and teens go through peer pressure. They worry about what others think and create an imaginary audience. An imaginary audience is in a person’s mind, and means they feel that other people are thinking about and observing everything they are doing. Elkind said that this happens whenever a person enters into a new social situation because people become egocentric. This can create angst for parents and begin to put too much stress on their child.

Another way a child’s natural growth and development is affected is through parent’s overinvestment. Elkind mentioned how families are having fewer children which gives parents more time to be involved in their child’s life. It is a good thing that parents are watching every step of their child’s development, but when they are interfering with their development it can lead to a lot of stress. An example that Elkind gave was about his granddaughter Lily. Lily’s parents were excited to show her latest talents to friends and family and since they asked her to show off her accomplishments so often, she got tired of showing her talents when her parents asked her to. This put a lot of pressure on Lily because this wasn’t something that she wanted to do, therefore took away the fun and she wasn’t happy. I never knew that overinvestment was even possible. This was one of the parts in this chapter that I would have not thought about.

After reading this chapter and relating it to my own personal experience I have learned that I do not want to be a parent that falls under the influence of peer pressure. I think it’s important that children have the opportunity to grow and develop in their own ways, and so therefore, I want to limit the pressure that I put on my future children.

Not Feeling the Angst Yet...But Leery of It!

Fall finally seems to have arrived, and before we know it, Halloween will be upon us! This is Yvonne as a young child, "all dressed up and ready to go trick-or-treating." A new parent herself, in this second entry on chapter 4, Yvonne continues our discussion on parental angst and more specifically, "imaginary audience." I think you'll appreciate her insights.

I truly enjoyed this chapter, and as I read, many thoughts of my own childhood flashed back into my memory. I also had several moments where I absolutely agreed with the things that Elkind was discussing. This chapter specifically addresses the anxieties that many parents have for their children and how these anxieties can be harmful to the child and family if they are not recognized and controlled.

As I read the introductory section I thought of how I can relate to the anxieties that parents feel. I am a new mother. Actually very new -- my son is only 16 weeks old -- but that doesn't mean I haven't thought about all that I would like to do for him, and all of the opportunities I would like to provide for him. Elkind states that parents are concerned about giving their children "intellectual stimulation as well as social experience and extracurricular opportunities" (p. 64). This is true for me. He then went on to describe the harm that some parents can cause because they want to do so much for their children. The three harmful things he listed that parents engage in were "overprotection," "overscheduling," and "overprogramming." However, before he delved into these three things he first talked about "Parent Pressures," reasons for parental angst.

I wanted to share some insights I experienced as he discussed parent peer pressure. Fortunately, I haven't had to deal much with this yet and hopefully I will be a confident enough parent to never be tempted to give into this. But I wanted to share something new that I learned. Elkind talked about an "imaginary audience." I had never heard of this before, but I know that I sure had an imaginary audience in my mind as a teenager. This "imaginary audience" is evaluating our behavior and appearance just as much as we do ourselves. Elkind argued that this "imaginary audience" will reappear as we enter into new social and emotional situations. Being a new parent is such a time, when the "imaginary audience" can reemerge. I agree with Elkind on this argument. It is logically sound and I think I have experienced a little of what he is talking about.

Now we will explore "overprotection," one of the effects of parental angst. As I read this section of the chapter I was truly reminded of my childhood. My mother was definitely overprotective of my siblings and me. In illustrating things that an overprotective parent might do, Elkind spoke about parents using cell phones to keep tabs on their children. My mother did this. Never mind that we told her exactly where we were going to be, what we were doing, who we were with, and when we would be home all per her request before we left; she would still call us a few times while we were out to see how we were or what we were up to. To my knowledge, I had never done anything to make her lose her trust in me, yet she would still call. I'll admit I got annoyed.

There is much more that I could discuss with you but I don't want to write a novel if you haven't read this chapter yet I encourage you to do so. I found it to be stimulating and thought provoking. I also got some ideas for how I can be a better parent.

New Baby?...New Angst!

When you're able to tear your eyes away from the photo of that cute little baby, you'll be able to read this, and know that he is the new son of Kathleen, the author of our first entry on chapter 4. That's her holding him, of course, and you'll see in her entry that Elkind's ideas are really hitting home with her. Happy reading!

I am the brand new parent of a six-week-old little boy, and Elkind’s chapter on Child Play and Parent Angst could not have been more perfect for me. In this chapter Elkind talks about the pressures parents feel to raise their children by societal standards, even when those standards are not the most beneficial for the child. Elkind called the pressure parents feel to raise their children a certain way “parent peer pressure” (p.64). I have to admit that in just the few six weeks that I have been a parent I have felt the pressure to raise my baby the “right” way. I have received advice not only from my parents, in-laws, and friends, but also strangers in grocery stores! Everyone seems to know the correct way to raise a child, and people are not shy about telling you their opinion.

Elkind also talked about an “imaginary audience” (p. 65) that a lot of new parents believe is watching them. New parents are very concerned with how other people perceive them as parents, and they allow their imaginary audience to dictate how they parent, instead of using their common sense and values. I remember when I was in my ninth month of pregnancy I began craving iced coffee. All of my pregnancy I had abstained from coffee because I knew that caffeine could have some adverse side effects on the growing baby, but my mid-wife had told me that small amounts of caffeine in the third trimester wasn’t a problem. So, one day I drove to a Starbucks, but I just couldn’t get myself to get out of the car because I was so worried what the employees and customers inside might think of me. Would they think I was a bad mother for drinking coffee while pregnant? That is what an imaginary audience is. Looking back now, all of my anxiety about a simple iced coffee was just ridiculous.

Elkind believes that it is these and other pressures that lead parents to hyper parent, overprotect, and over program their children. A hyper parent can also be called a “helicopter” parent. They are the parents who constantly hover over their children to make sure they are doing what they are supposed to be doing, behaving in the appropriate ways, and achieving the standards that their parents have set forth for them, whether it is in academia, sports, or private lessons. Hyper parenting can have lasting negative effects not only on the way a child participates in school, sports, and private lessons, but also on the parent-child relationship.

In the past, an overprotective parent was one who tried to preserve a child’s innocence for as long as possible. Today, overprotective parents are more concerned with their children’s physical well-being than their mental well-being. When I was a child I was never allowed to go trick-o-treating because as my father poetically put it, “That’s when all the crazies come out!” I was unfortunate enough to grow up with an over protective parent. I know he only wanted what was best for me, but because he was so worried about my safety in the world I missed out on a lot of childhood experiences.

Finally the pressures to parent properly can also cause what Elkind called over programming. Over programming is when a parent burdens their children with music lessons, tennis lessons, math tutors, and an abundance of educational toys and programs. Over programming can be very stressful on a child. Elkind states that parents need to realize that children will learn and grow so much more through spontaneous play than they will with expensive lessons and programs.

Elkind concludes that hyper parenting, overprotection, and over programming interfere with the interaction of play, love, and work. All in all, what I understand is that kids just need time to be kids; parents need to worry less about what other people are thinking about them; and that play is the best form of learning for children.